C'est La Vie....

"Begone rascals", screamed the old man. He was always there, seated at one end of the park bench, his hands on top of his walking stick, his eyes downcast. There was a little boy there too, seated at the other end. I was a regular at that park and everyday before dusk I would go for a refreshing jog around the park and everyday I would see the old man and the little boy and everyday they would be seated on the same bench. They seemed to be in a world of their own.

While children his age spent their time playing games, running around or just rolling on the grass, the little boy would just sit there, his hands coupled between his legs, a cap on his tiny head, shielding his eyes. A collapsible wheelchair rested against his side of the bench. The old man would often mutter something to himself, shove his hands into his pocket, take out some bird seeds and scatter them among the pigeons.

On this particular day, I went jogging again and as I passed the park bench, I saw the old man brandishing his cane at some children who seemed to be teasing him. "Begone rascals", he screamed again.

I could not bear the sight of the old man being harassed. I ran towards the park bench and drove the children away. The old man was quivering and gulping down mouthfuls of air. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulders, I steadied him. "Take it easy" I said, "you will be fine". He looked up at me full of gratitude. "Thank you sir." A wheeze burst forth from his cracked lips. The wrinkles on his old face seemed to deepen as he gave me a warm smile. He must have been in his seventies. "When I was young, I never did things like these....the world's gone to the dogs!"

He suddenly offered me his hand. "How stupid of me. Let me introduce myself. I'm Alexander Malkovich." I introduced myself and within a few minutes I was sitting beside him and we were chatting like we had known each other for ages. "I had a daughter, Jane", he said, trying hard to remember. "She was a good child. Extremely beautiful. But she fell in love with this army fellow. He said he was going to marry her. I warned her against it, but she wouldn't listen. She was too much in love with him. So I consented and my worst fears came true."

Malkovich looked like he was going to break down any minute. Gathering himself, he continued. "He left her with a child and ran away a week before marriage." "Jane refused to get an abortion done. Now no one would even look at her, let alone marry her. She died during labor, giving birth to Peter. Maybe it was better for her, she didn't have to suffer anymore. Strange are the ways of our Lord."

I wanted to console him, but he continued. "Peter was the apple of my eye. But he too was cursed. He began to develop fits...I took him to many a doctor, but no one could cure him completely."

"Peter loved to come here....he would sit for hours on this park bench feeding the pigeons. I knew he didn't have long to live, so I stopped his schooling and brought him here everyday. I wanted him to enjoy what little time he had, to the fullest".

It was getting dark and the air was much cooler now. Malkovich suddenly went over to the boy and adjusted the woollen shawl around the boy's neck. "You'll catch a cold if you're not careful", he said to the boy and came back. The little boy must have been asleep for he never moved an inch.

"Where was I...yes, Peter was doomed to die". Twilight was giving way to night. People were leaving the park and it was almost empty of people. Hardly anyone stayed this late because of the muggings. the night wind was building up. The place had an eerie resemblance to a horror movie I has watched the previous night.

"And one day, Peter and I went swimming; he developed convulsions and drowned. I tried to save him, I tried so hard, but I couldn't, I couldn't. I just couldn't".

Malkovich was sobbing now. I gave him my handkerchief. "don't be so hard on yourself", I said. "It wasn't your fault".

Malkovich looked at me, his blue eyes seemed to stare straight into my soul. "I loved Peter very much. I could not bear to be separated from him. I could not." The sky now had an indigo tint. The park lamps had a heavenly halo around their heads. I sat there perplexed and dumbfounded. Malkovich's eyes were red and he was trying hard not to cry again. He got up. "Well, it was nice to have made your acquaintance, but I must be on my way". He took a card from his pocket. "Here's my card. If you need my services, I would be glad to help. Goodnight sir".

I tried to speak, but my voice had betrayed me. The cool night wind blew the cap off the boy's head. His eyes appeared glassy in the ghostly lights of the lamps. Malkovich picked up the cap and placed it on the boy's head. He then unfolded the wheel chair and lifted the boy onto it.

"Come on Peter. It's time to go home". As they slowly disappeared down the path, I looked at the card. It read:

ALEXANDER MALKOVICH

TAXIDERMIST

"WE STUFF ANYTHING"

The wind blew the card from my paralysed fingers. I never went to that park again

I read this on Sowmi's blog and immediately knew that I had to take it up.

The number of X's is directly proportional to the level of my dumbness. Read on. :)

[X] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. (Looks away)
[X] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. (Looks away, whistling and trying to look for a place to hide herself!)
[X] You have ran into a glass/screen door. (Haven't YOU???)
[X] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. (Ever travelled in Delhi's blue-line buses?)
[X] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself. (This has got me into trouble sooo many times, that it's not even funny anymore!!)
[X] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks. (Yes yes, and it does not end there. Usually I give them an even weirder look and then continue with my Ravan-kind laughter. :D)

Alright, first set of questions completed, and all have been crossed. Maybe this tag wasn't such a good idea after all...

[X] You have run into a tree/bush. (This is really belittling my dumbness. I have ran into a solid wall for God's sake. And that too with a car!!)
[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[X] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times. (Once, when I first read this tag. :D)
[X] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.
[ ]You just tried to sing them. [Ha! I did not! (I already did when i read it for the first time. ;) And God!! They actually DO rhyme!!)]

[X] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[ ] You have choked on your own spit. (Ewww!! No!!!)
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it. (Proudly smiles at not crossing this one.) :)
[ ] You’ve never seen the Matrix. (Smug face)
[X] You type only with two fingers. (Smug face disappears) :(

[ ]You have accidentally caught something on fire. (Accidentally, no. Deliberately, yes. Wait, does that make me even dumber??) *worried*
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes. (Lol!! No!! BUT, I'll tell you what happened at Pizza Hut the other day. I was drinking outta a straw and the lemonade just didn't come into my mouth!! I sucked at the liquid at least half a dozen times before realising that it was broken in between!!) (This is a "dumb" tag, I can tell stories which are not very funny OR relevant wherever and whenever I want too. :)
[X] You have caught yourself drooling. (Better than letting myself drool all over right? A better question would have been - You've NOT caught yourself drooling. Or has someone else caught you drooling.)
[ ] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair. (Fallen asleep - yes. Fell outta my chair- yes again. But BOTH simultaneously - Hell no!!)

[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking. (Sometimes, I just START thinking.) ;)
[X] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about.
[X] People often shake their heads and walk away from you. (Does people include Moms too?? Come on man!! They are moms!!! They are SUPPOSED to be like that!!)
[X] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math.

[ ] You have eaten a bug. (Vegetarian)
[X] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important. (duh!)
[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it.
[X] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand. (This is a proven sign of geniusness btw.)
[ ] You have ran around naked in your house.

[ ] You re post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[X] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[ ] You tilt your head when you’re confused. (Not that I do, but just how in the world is that supposed to make you dumb???)
[ ] You have fallen out of your chair before. (Before what? Please clarify.)

[ ] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall.
[ ] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.

19 "X" marks out of a total of 37!!!! What????? I'm only 51.35% dumb!!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's NOT SO bad!! Is it??? Alright, may be it is, but at least knowing it makes me a lil less dumb, nahi? :) :D

I'm not tagging anyone specifically as hardly anyone obliges. Hmmpphhh. All those who want to test their level of dumbness/intelligence, consider yourself tagged. :)

Armed with her CV - the most potent weapon she possessed - she entered the room which promised her a world of opportunities. Looking into the eyes of the interviewer's eyes, she tackled all the questions brilliantly. And then it happened.

"So what did you gain from your summer internship?"

"A lot of weight."

Ooooooooooooooopssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MORAL: Think before you speak.

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Yeah I know this 55F kinda sucks, but I hadn't written anything for quite sometime. So when I finally did (in a bore to death seminar), I decided to put it up here. Sharmana mat, bindaas besti karna. :P :D
As for the title, well, actually this was a dream (nightmare) that I had. :D :D The Placement season in my college begins this monday, pray that I don't do any such goof-ups in any of my interviews. :)

( A dark, dingy room. The curtains are drawn. She sits on the desk in one corner, pen in hand. There is a certain repose in her motion, in her language. Paper strewn all over the floor. The bin in the other corner is overflowing. She begins to write.)

I took up the pen. I wanted to write something on this lank white sheet. No questions, no answers, and no topics to chain me. Just free thought and pure imagination, no reason, just illusion, no falsifying materialism.

I searched my thoughts to find an instance but all I could find were vicious circles.

I rummaged through my emotions; I could only find chaos and disorder.
I asked my words to grant me speech but even they seemed mute.
I questioned the leaves outside my window, glistening with the radiance of the summer sun. They could tell me but eluded.
I asked my eyes to give me a story. In reply they wept a tear in my cheek, a tear of fading colors.
I asked the ink, but it was too dark,
I asked the air, but it was too fast.
I asked water to give me thirst,
But it had to satisfy a desert first.
So I went to the woods to get myself a break,
Ashes were all that I could take.
I hunted for the earth to dig up something new,
But in it lay at rest some beloved one I knew.
I asked the thorns to give me some pain,
I asked light to show me a lane.
I sought for fire for me to myself burn,
I spoke to the road in search of an elusive turn.
I went to God to ask for a line,
He refused, He said that he has no time.

Here I stood, that was me, without word, without utterance, with no address, no enunciation and no expression.

But hark! Who is this looking at me? “Leave me alone”, I said. He was not listening. How stubborn! I changed my view. But he did not move. He wanted to say something. I moved near, deep into his dry eyes. I saw fables floating around in vast darkness. I am telling you the truth as I saw it. Perhaps a spell was cast on me. As if I was a visitor to some cosmic dance. And moments, still moments floated around me. It was ephemeral, yet never-ending. I was standing at the vertex of space and there were pulses of time moving all around me. I outstretched my finger to catch one, that intangible form. I received a shock and a flash blinded my eyes.

I began to witness life as if being played out on a sheet of clear water with nothing beyond it – abstract, imperceptible, incorporeal yet scintillating!

At first I saw a girl, big eyes, not more than 8 years old. She was returning from school. She saw an ice-cream vendor and her friends relishing a candy. She looked at the ice-cream and kept looking. She had no money to ask for one. All that she could do was to savour it from a distance. She kept on looking while life passed around her.

I drifted to another moment….

I saw a body covered with a white cloth and lifeless air blowing over it. I saw a woman sitting next to him with tears in her eyes….still as a stone, with lifeless breath…but no words.

I could not understand what was going on. The sequel continued as I grazed for another feeling.

I saw a deserted platform with nobody around except a few workers. A train comes, waits and whistles. But just then I saw an old man sitting on a bench. I could read the wait in his eyes. H e has spent years on the same platform, on the same bench, day after day, at the same time waiting for his son who has not returned from the war. The train whistles again, moves, and departs filling his eyes with the smoke of stillness. He kept on sitting there with no emotions, no words, no soul.

It continued….

I was in a hospital. I could see some tension, people buzzing all around. I saw a man with folded hands in want of something. But just then I saw a nurse accosting him with something wrapped in white cloth. He was a father now! I saw the cheer in his eyes, the spirit of rapture dancing on his lips which were again silent.

Another drama followed.

This was a scene of war. There was smoke all around, roaring guns subduing the sounds of cries. A soldier was entering the enemy camp secretly. He was brave and it was his first war. He crept in slowly, as carefully as possible. But just then he heard a tap, a rustle of leaves. He turned around, only to find his forehead at gunpoint. Death was standing in front of him, sharp and dumb.

The play proceeded into a dry field with a farmer looking at the burning sky with barren eyes, with dread crops, with no strength to articulate a prayer.

Many more cyclones followed through my frail body…moments that were captured in a glass-pane. I saw them…that was all that I could do.

That emptiness resumed form and I found myself in that same stretch of life and death. There was one last window that appeared, more brilliant than the others. That was the last one I had to touch in that vast span of still time. I could see light waiting eagerly to touch me. Everything paused….the whole universe, time, space an all else….still.

The next moment I found myself on my chair strangely looking towards my blank paper. I felt as if it was laughing at me. I knew it now. This was my present. I recalled everything, that expanse of emptiness and form, that cosmic dance, that eternal swirl, that moment of indulgence, that ephemeral time, those stories and that stillness.

There was one thing common to all these stories that reflected equally in all those magical fables, in all those odysseys.

It was the silence of a moment, the fulfillment of emptiness, the completeness of voids, the speech of mutes, the sound of silence.

None of them spoke for a moment – the girl, the woman, the old man, the father, the soldier, the farmer…none uttered a word. Deprived of words, unknown to speech. Everything was still.

And I, a silly writer kept asking for words from everything? How foolish of me! That blank sheet told me all. What emptiness is. What is it to say nothing. The paper told me the essence of being silent, of being white, not spotted, of being unmarked, of being nothing.

I now realize how vital it is to write nothing, just leaving things blank. Bare, empty, unsaid, unadorned, inscrutable, emotionless, impassive, unresponsive, vacuous and lifeless.
So today you are reading something derived from pure silence, dead. Something which has nothing, yet everything.

It is in emptiness that the world takes form, its stillness all over and in God’s voice, you can hear His silence. Try to be empty someday. And you will enjoy the joy, the ecstasy, the mirth, and the fulfillment.

Did you ever sit alone on the sea shore? You could always hear it shout, you could hear waves breaking on its vast body. But did you ever hear the silence beneath?
Did you see the silence of a bird taking flight?
Did you see the butterfly flitting from flower to flower?
Did you hear the silence of mountains?
Did you hear the silence of a forest dimly lit with glowworms?
Did you hear a glass before it breaks?
Did you hear the notes when the night sets in and the morning wakes?
Did you hear the sigh when the raindrop breaks?
Or when you drop sand from your fist?
Did you hear the silence when you look into the wet eyes of your mother who just scolded you?
Or the waiting lips, when your beloved just proposed to you?
Did you hear the silence of the last breath?
Did you ever hear them?
Did you?

I know, I know it’s been super duper long since my last post. But I have been really really really busy. And for once I mean it for real. :D

This internship has driven me crazy!! I knowwww!! I too thought I was already at the maximum level that anyone could go on the crazy scale!! :D

So anyway, if you thought that with time my goof-ups at work would have become lesser or at least of lesser intensity, Yup, you are WRONG. For the uninitiated, try this >> OFF THE RECORD, STRICTLY.

Alright, so let me tell you a bit about my work. It’s this really edge-of-the-seat kinda work you know, where one has to stare at the workstation, do number-crunching, read the stupid Income Tax Act - all while sitting on the seat!! Oh you wondering about the edge part? We are supposed to take a hard copy of all that we do, so yes, we constantly have to be on the edge of our seats to take those damn print-outs which eventually land up in the bin as my current erstwhile employers are too much of perfectionists. They’ll tell us to waste some more paper as “Oh!! But this thing should be in times new roman 12.5 and not 12 size!!” Ughhhh!!! “Let’s waste as much paper as we can!!” seems to be their motto!! I mean it’s so heart-wrenching you know. Especially for someone who writes less in the exams just so that she can save some paper. :D

So as you can guess the only exercise regimen I now have is that of walking to the printer. Now, me being the restless person that I’m, could not take it after 10 days. I just had to go out and release my pent-up energy. But where?

The queen of stupidity has an epiphany and marches off to the nearest washroom. Once there, she begins to jump up and down like a maniac. Had Jeetendra been there to witness the scene, I’m sure he’d have had inferiority complex. And just as I was about to put a stop to the torture I was causing to the floor, a lady comes out of one of the loos and stares at me with an expression that clearly said “Note to self: Stay away from this girl. She is a potential threat to mankind.” I of course dashed to the closest loo available.

After lying low for a few days after this incident, Neha (another intern) and I were once chatting nonchalantly in the office. Here’s what happened:
Neha: So how’s work?
Me: Usual ya. They really meant it when they said it’s going to be very demanding.
Neha: I know. Hey, have you seen that cute Transfer Pricing guy today?
Isha: Haan…wahin tto baitha hai. (points in his direction discretely) Kya yaar, there are NO cute guys in this office. No incentive to come every day. I hate this place.
The topic was then changed as is usual when two girls are chatting and soon we moved from guys to shopping to movies to what not.
Suddenly one of our senior managers passes us by. We happily say “Hi!” to him and he moves on. We resume chatting in the middle of the corridor leaning on one of the desks for support. Once again suddenly, he turns back and stops in front of us. And says “Itna mat socho, jis se baat karni hai bindaas karo.” And walks away.

And we realized that the desk we had been using as a support was no one else’s but his!! And we had conveniently failed to notice and had chatted there for at least 10 minutes. But still the two of us were lost on the comment he had made. It did not really make a lot of sense with what we were talking about at that time (movies).

So anyway, realizing that it was about time we both head to our respective seats, off we went in different directions. And it was while working on something that it hit me. I immediately dialled Neha’s extension and told her that I’d figured out what he was referring to. He was of course referring to our conversation about the “cute” guy!! He thought that we wanted to talk to him and were just a li'l too shy!!! The two of us, embarrassed as we were, could not help laughing our wits out.

Told you, I AM the queen of goof-ups.

So you think goof-ups are funny right?? WRONG!! :P (Get used to it – most of what you think is just that – wrong) :P

Allow me to apprise you of a very very sad goof-up. In my office (like in most offices), all social networking sites are banned and no, proxy sites are of no help either. So in my free time (alright alright!! – most of my time spent at office) I used to blissfully log in to apna dear blogspot and read your beautiful blogs and reply to your comments on mine. But alas! After 3-4 days of my prolonged stays on the blogspot, I realized it had been banned too!!! Apparently the IT department keeps an eye on what all one is doing while pretending to be super busy with work on the computer. Hmmpphhhh!! Now you know why I hate technology.

And now comes the last one. Pakka pakka!! Aur nahi pakaungi!!
Some news channel had come to our office for a shoot prior to the announcement of the Budget and all. And these guys decided to get the firm’s partner’s views in the bay rather than in his own room. I was as expected working my ass off (read checking my yahoo mail), when suddenly the girl who sits next to me comes from the printer and says “Isha, can we sit and keep working?” Without looking up from my computer screen, I said ”Of course ya!!” (I had started to get a bit irritated with all the fuss being made over the interview) and then thinking that I had been a bit rude looked up to smile at her and BAM!!

I see a huge camera placed right behind me directed halfway at my computer screen!! I swear, the speed with which the window was minimized would put the fastest keyboard player to shame. (that’s Adnan Sami btw right?)

My college is re-opening from the 13th and my internship does not seem to end. These guys want me to work till the 15th for them. I’m trying all that I can so that they kick me out. Wish me luck.

P.S. And I’m really really sorry for not being able to read a lot of posts lately. Please forgive me. With college due to re-open shortly, I shall be visiting your blogs soon hopefully. J

I arrived a few minutes late at our favourite haunt, the coffee shop, and saw her twisting impatiently in her seat, a sure sign that something was on her mind. I approached her with a look of forced joviality. She just sat there looking at me with piercing eyes.

“What’s bothering you?” I asked.

“Nothing!” she said.

An awkward silence followed. She made no move to initiate a conversation. It was the only time I had seen her short of words. This state of affairs lasted for another ten minutes before I ventured to ask what was troubling her. This time she did not even reply. I tried to take her hands into mine but she brushed them aside. I could make nothing of it. It was about twenty minutes before she spoke in an icy tone that chilled me to the bones.
“Do you consider me as your friend?” Perplexed, I said, “Yeah, sure, my best friend, what a silly thing to ask.” “Then may I know why you did not deem it fit to tell me about your semester result. It’s been two days and you haven’t even mentioned it. When were you planning on telling me about it?”

It was like a bolt of lightning. I had had an abominable result, barely managing to make the grade.

“Well, you see, I was going to tell you in a day or two!”

“Don’t bother, I looked it up myself.” “Oh! Forget it then, it’s one of those things, I will make up for it this semester.”

She was angry now and her voice was bitter –“What’s the reason for it? No, wait, let me finish, it’s me, isn’t it, you haven’t been concentrating properly and I’m directly responsible right?”
“Hold on, it’s got nothing to do with you.” She stopped me in mid-sentence and asked, “Do you love me?”

It was totally unexpected. I barely managed to say “Yes” in a hoarse whisper. “So do I, but I cannot live with the fact that I may somehow be responsible for spoiling your life and future. No, I cannot bear that thought”, she said and before I could respond, she had walked out of the shop.

I was shell-shocked. I just sat there trying to collect my thoughts. We had finally managed to express our love for each other, and yet the circumstances under which we had done so could hardly have been more fitting. It should have been the happiest moment of my life, instead I felt utterly miserable and defeated. To me it seemed almost ridiculous that something as mundane as a semester result had induced such a severe reaction from her. Honestly, I had no idea that she kept track of my academic performance, and worse still, seemed to take it so personally. I had never supposed that academic prowess was going to be a factor in our relationship. I mean I had never heard of girls worrying about the results of the person they were going around with or even friends with. It just went to show how much she cared for me. Her concern for me was obvious and the pain that I caused her was immeasurable. I then made a promise to myself that in future I would never hurt her like this again. How wrong I was, how could I have known?

I put my head down and started studying hard, really hard. It took me a month of fervent pleas before she agreed to meet me. However, when we did come face to face, she had changed visibly. Gone was the incessant chatter and frequent bout of giggles, no hint of even a smile. It almost broke my heart. Her replies to my eager questions were monosyllabic or restricted to a sentence at most. It was her way of punishing me I guess. We played tennis once a week. Whereas previously the game used to be full of verve and unmitigated delight – principally because of her – they now turned into a dull drag. She showed absolutely no emotions on the court, just going through the motions mechanically, like a robot. It was torturous, she would be right beside me and yet so far away. I would have been much better off had she simply refused to see me. It made me even more determined to resurrect my academic credibility. A semester passed by. I will never forget it, I worked with a maniacal zeal, driven by an intense searing pain. I was not very happy but extremely purposeful. I had a fantastic result, never had any doubt about that really.

And on the day it was declared, I was greeted with a sight that was worth the six odd months of hellish torment. I had just glanced at the notice board, satisfied but not over the moon, when there was a flurry of activity behind me. I turned around and saw a figure pushing her way through the crowd of people. It was her of course. She came bounding towards me, laughing uncontrollably, and enveloped me in her arms much to the surprise of everybody watching and to my acute embarrassment. I freely admit though that I would have given anything to have been embarrassed like that daily. It was a moment frozen in eternity, everything seemed to have fallen in place. I was definitely over the moon now. If it were up to me I’d have wound up my life into a perpetual loop revolving around that moment. I realize now how well she understood me, how she could effortlessly play me like a guitar. She knew exactly how she could make me channelize my potential. It was amazing.

We had a memorable time at college after that, we could do no wrong, revelling in each other’s company. It was a remarkable period of our lives, we were drunk on each other, and our happiness knew no bounds. We introduced each other to our respective families on her graduation day. I was a trifle nervous, I mean I was in my final year, had not yet completed college, and here I was preparing to meet the parents of the girl I was dying to marry. She, on the contrary, was looking forward to acquainting herself with my parents. I need not have worried, it was a cinch. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. It was just too good to be true, but there it was, our families had no objections whatsoever, they approved whole-heartedly of us as a pair. It was a fairytale.

I had no inkling that I was hurtling inexorably towards a nightmare.

(This particular post is dedicated especially to Siya also rightfully known as Dr. Acula. :P She had wanted a happy ending to this one. So here it is...a happy ending. :) To this part. ;) Hope you like it)

I managed to catch up with her in a few minutes. Then in as pleasant a voice as I could muster, I said “Hi!”

She turned around and screwing her eyes, said “Do I know you, or are you in the habit of greeting every unaccompanied female whom you happen to come across?” I was stumped and at a loss for words. She however was exhibiting no such problems, “Oh! I remember now, aren’t you the bugger I had a tiff with last week”.

I could see where this conversation was leading to. I thought it would be in my best interests to turn around and leg it. I was about to pursue this course of action when she did something entirely unexpected and changed irrevocably the course of my life.
She burst out into peals of laughter; it was a wholesome laughter absolutely free of inhibitions and infectious in the extreme. I couldn’t stop myself from breaking into a sheepish grin. I was doomed for life, happily unaware of the consequences. When she finally did stop laughing, both of us ended up saying Sorry at the same time. Another round of laughter followed. She felt that she had gone a bit overboard that day; I felt that she had been justified.

And so it came to pass that I invited her for a cup of coffee. For a second I thought she was going to turn me down but then she gave me a smile which sent a rush of pleasure through my body, filled me with a sense of elation hitherto not experienced and said “Well alright I suppose, no harm in it”. One cup of coffee turned into two, two into three, three into four till I lost count. She mesmerized me; her voice was music to my ears. For all that she talked, and she did talk quite a bit, I gleaned that she was a year senior to me, was majoring in Computer Science, had a host of interests ranging from music to literature, from awakening environmental consciousness to doing her bit in making this world a better place to live in, from freaking out at night-clubs to studying really hard for achieving her career goals. She had me spell-bound. I mean we talked for close to 4 hours and yet I felt a massive twinge of disappointment when she got up to leave.

Over the next few months I managed to accidentally bump into her on a regular basis, if she noticed it she didn’t say anything about it. I could see she liked talking to me. I of course positively relished spending time with her. She had become my primary focus to the exclusion of everything else, be it studies, friends or games. I roundly ignored all other aspects of my life. I had always been a good listener, preferring to keep my thoughts to myself. She observed my reticence and after our first few meetings, exhorted and cajoled me into talking. She had a way about her, I really did start opening up, sharing thoughts and experiences. It was a novelty for me, I was completely t ease with her, it was almost frightening – the kind of influence she could bring to exert on me. I became a different person in her company.

There were lots of activities that I disliked and avoided purely due to half-baked prejudices or a phobia of some kind. She made it a point to find out about them and frequently made me do those things, asserting me at every step and making sure that I started enjoying them, but somehow if despite her best efforts I was still not happy with whatever it was she wanted me to do, she would drop it without further ado. Whenever this would happen, she would come up with a line like – “Laddie, there’s not much chance that you are going to appreciate Shakespeare, is there?” (I did learn to do that, but she never came to know about it) or on another occasion – “I give up, you’ll never be friends with a computer.” And then gently ruffle my hair or give me a friendly box on the shoulder with a grin on her face and eyes twinkling with mischief. She taught me how to dance, I taught her how to play tennis. I hated losing. With her though, even losing was fun. Win or lose, nothing could wipe that smile off her face. She would hit the ball out of the court on an important point, then turn around on her heels and innocently ask if it was long. I would say “Yes, and we lost the match.”, without however any trace of anger. We would walk off after shaking hands with the opponents and on the way back tongue firmly in cheek, arms encircling my waist, she would tell me that I had better improve my game if we were to have any chance of winning. I miss those tennis matches, I miss losing them.

What more can I say, I was floating on cloud nine. It was a dream. It had always been my opinion that Life is beautiful, but that it could be this beautiful was beyond my wildest estimates.

To be continued.....

It’s been ten years since I last saw her, ten years since I felt the touch of her skin against mine, ten years since I heard her sweet voice, ten years since she broke out into that tinkling carefree laughter, ten years since she frowned at me with her puckered eyebrows, ten years since I saw her beautiful long hair gamboling in the wind, ten long years since she walked out of my life or was it me who walked out on her, I don’t know, I don’t care, and yet the pain remains, as unyielding and as tormenting as ever. The memories are as fresh as dew in the morning, chafing away relentlessly, no merciful escape into oblivion for me, no earthly anodyne to ease the ceaseless agony, no matter how hard I try I just cannot make myself forget her, she won’t let me.

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I remember our first meeting vividly, almost as if it happened yesterday. I was returning to my hostel after a game of tennis. I had lost and was fuming as a result of it, never did like losing, anyway I was so engrossed in myself, muttering expletives and oaths, that I failed to notice a girl coming towards me. Not for long though, I mean I bumped head on into her, she fell down, while I was slightly stunned. In the meanwhile she had managed to get up and was now standing with her hands folded across her chest, eyebrows raised and lips visibly twitching with suppressed anger. She had a militant expression on her face which did not augur too well for me. The aura of fury she was exuding was intimidating to say the least. It made me involuntarily take a step or two backwards. She however interpreted the gesture as some sort of war cry and launched into a verbal lashing. She seemed to be under the impression that I had bumped into her on purpose and was a thug of the first order. My initial meekness was now slowly making way for some righteous indignation. I mean the collision really had been unintentional! I was at the receiving end of a 15 minute harangue, replete with extremely caustic remarks addressed to me such as having a regular eye-checkup, taking a refresher course in walking, to stop being a public menace and staying indoors. Christ Almighty God, it was almost as if a venom spewing volcano had erupted. I squirmed uncomfortably throughout the monologue and what with her tongue thrusting ahead like a rapier in full flow I could hardly get a word in. I felt like a kindergarten kid being admonished by the teacher. At the end of the lectures she stomped off bristling with anger, I wiped my brow and then started jogging to the hostel. The jogging bit was imperative because quite a crowd of people had gathered and were eyeing me as if I were a leper and directing disconcerting stares at me.

I reached the hostel in a stupor, went straight to my room, lay down on the bed and promptly fell asleep. I woke up the next morning vaguely unsettled, feeling that maybe the evening before had only been a nightmare. How I wish now that it really had been a nightmare, that I had never met her, that I had never lost that game, that our paths had never crossed.

I went to college trying to put the incident out of my mind. A week passed and I had almost forgotten about it, certainly it did not bother me any longer. Then one fine day, while chatting with some friends, I observed her walking across the street. I stopped in mid-sentence and started after her. My friends called after me, mystified by my seemingly eccentric behavior. I was however totally oblivious to them, at that point of time only one person was registering on my radar.

To be continued.......

I wish I could paint your life in every bright hue,
I wish I could wash away your agonies in the morning dew,
But I don't know what to promise, I don't know what to say...
Everyday I'll just want to tell you my love, that whatever..It's just your day.

I wish I could bring a smile to your face even after the saddest days of life,
I wish if ever you missed your soul in the darkness, I could be your guiding light.
But I don't know what to promise, I don't know what to say...
Everyday I'll just want to tell you my love, that whatever..There's always a way.

I wish I could remove the thorns from every rose you wanted to touch,
I wish I could fill your life with love, every bit, very much
But I don't know what to promise, I don't know what to say...
Everyday I'll just want to tell you my love, that whatever..I'll always ask for your happiness, my entire life forever pray

And...I just wish I could hold your hand and touch your happiness with my smile,
I just wish I could walk by your side, no matter how many a mile...
But I don't know why I didn't promise, why I couldn't say...
But I'll always wish for love to be yours, with
My whole heart,
My every day,
My every way,
Forever I'll pray...

Rashi promised herself that this time she will not let herself give an excuse to walk out of a relationship that would amid the many insecurities she feared show her a world of little joys and eternal happiness and true love perhaps. The excuses so far had been amusing, if not lame altogether. Someone was way too tall, someone very taciturn, someone very organised and someone way too fair even! Not this time though, she thought to herself.

It had been only a month since she had met Nikhil and yet it seemed like they had known each other for ages. Both of them having imposing personalities, were egotists of the highest order and were extremely stubborn, which on some occasions brought a lot of fun and on others led to tension between the two. But one or the other would always give in and the two would be back to being the lovebirds that they had become.

Rashi, a very unusual girl, was not very expressive when it came to letting her close ones know what they meant to her. Perhaps this was the reason why she had never really been lucky in the matters of the heart. Of course, her rather unusual choice in guys being partly to blame too.

She did not believe in Love. Or perhaps she did and only pretended that she did not. No one knows. Not even her. But she did have weird notions about this so called "Love".

"Nikhil, don't ever say that you love me, unless you mean it for real.", she said after they had had a small fight and Nikhil had slipped in a "But you know that I love you sweetie." while comforting her. She was a little taken aback at this.

Sure, she liked him, more than anything and anyone else in the world and knew that he did too, but love?? LOVE - if it existed - scared her!

"I do mean it sweetheart.", he asserted with an intensity that Rashi had never seen before and that reflected not only in his words but his eyes too.

Nikhil sensed her uncomfortableness and said "And you DON'T have to say it back if you don't want to." And once again Rashi hated herself for not being able to bring herself to say those three words.

"Thanks. Thanks for understanding.", was all she could manage to say.

"But you don't mind if I say je t'aime, right? Instead of I Love You??", he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Remind me to wear stilettos the next time I come to meet you.", she said.

"Uhhh...okkk...but why?", asked Nikhil, a little surprised.
"So that I can whack you on your head whenever I want to.", she answered, trying to reach the top of his head by standing on tiptoes.

"Achaaa?? I could always lift you, you know.", he said, coming in closer.

"Yeah right. Size dekha hai apna?", Rashi poked fun at the very idea and started giggling.

In answer to her question, Nikhil wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up in one smooth movement.

Rashi's giggling was replaced with a surprised smile. She put her arms around his neck and rubbed her nose against his thrice and lingered, her face so close to his that she could feel his breath on her. He gave her a gentle peck on her cheek and said "I'm sorry but it's not my fault that I can't help falling in love with you."

She just crinkled her nose in answer and again in one smooth movement he put her back on the ground.

And hand in hand, they entered the theatre for the movie, which by now was about to reach its interval.


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He looked at the entry gate of the airport for the tenth time in the last three minutes. His mind said that she wouldn't come but his heart wished otherwise.

They had had a fight last night which ended in her hanging up on him. She hadn't been taking his calls since.

Disappointed, he sat down and thought how difficult the coming one month would be. He was going to London for the last leg of his graduation - his training.

He knew no one there and was not at all excited at the prospect of going so far away from Rashi when she had her summer vacations on. Adding to his misery was the fact that his birthday fell in this particular month. Never for the past 22 years of his life had he spent it alone, without friends and family.

He was almost on the verge of tears when he felt his cell phone vibrate in his jeans pocket. His heart took a leap when he saw who was calling.

"Hello?? Where are you?? Your flight hasn't left, has it?? I'm stuck in the parking outside. I'll be there in ten minutes max. Wait!! Ok!!??", she gushed in one breath.

And soon enough, a girl who looked like she had come right out of her bed, could be seen running and bumping into people, stumbling, regaining her lost balance and then running again towards the bench where Nikhil sat.

Panting she stood in front of him. Nikhil could make out from her puffed up red eyes that she had been up all night crying. He got up to face her.

Rashi put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulders for a full minute before they both burst out saying "I'm sorry!" at the same time.

She looked up into his eyes and he read what they were saying. Tucking the two strands of her hair falling on her face, behind her ear, he said, almost choked, "I'll miss you too." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her on the forehead. "I wish I could freeze time and hold you like this forever."

Unwillingly, he broke apart and picked his luggage up with one hand (as the final call was being made) while the other was holding hers. Squeezing it slightly, he said, "You do know that I love you, right? Oops! I meant je t'aime." " I know, I know. You and your concept of "Love". But I love you and I'll say it all I want to." And with a final look at her, he turned around and walked away into the sea of crowd moving towards the entrance for the waiting lounge.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She called him with half an hour still to go for his birthday. She wanted to make sure that she was the first one to wish him a happy birthday.

"Hi sweety. How are you?", she asked, being her chirpy self.

"Hey..." Just from the tone of that "Hey" she sensed that something was not right.

"Hey!! You alright? You don't sound so good!", she asked, getting concerned.

"Hmmm..."

"Kya hua baby? What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"Shut it ok! I know some thing's wrong and I'm not letting you not tell me about it. So out with it."

"Remember Akansha, mu cousin?", he gave in finally. "Mausi has come to know about her relationship and all hell has broken lose."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah."

"So what's the problem? The guy isn't good? Or is it the fact that it isn't arranged?", the problem-solver in her came to the fore-front.

"Neither."

"Then?"

"The problem is that he ain't one of us."

"Phirang hai kya?", asked Rashi.

"Very funny. He's not from our caste ya."

"Excuse-me!!?? But he is a nice guy, right?"

"I guess."

"So let me get this straight. Your mausi has objections just because he's not from your caste ?" asked Rashi incredulous.

"It gets better. He actually does belong to the same caste as us but not from the same segment."

"Unbelievable!!" Rashi was too surprised to say anything else.

"And I have just got done trying to convince her out of this relationship because mausi asked to."

And then it hit her.

Still she said, "It's ok Niks. Sometimes we have to do things we don't really want to or...."

"Oh shut it Rashi!"

There was silence on the line.

"I feel rotten you know. I feel like this big hypocrite who's convincing his cousin of not doing something when he himself is involved with a girl who forget the same segment or caste, does not even belong to the same religion. I mean I'm Parsi and you a Punjabi for crying out loud!"

Silence again.

"I don't know Rashi. I could not see my mausi cry and I know I won't be able to see either of my parents in such a condition."

"Hmmmm...is this what I think it is?", asked Rashi.

"You tell me. Will you be able to stand up to your parents for an inter-caste marriage?"

"Nikhil, I don't know if I'll be marrying you at all. It is too early for me to even think something like that. But then that is something which I'll never have to worry about, because if I love someone enough to marry him, I'll do all that is in my power and beyond to make sure that I do, parents notwithstanding."

For a third time that day, silence made a re-appearance.

"I'm not too sure Rashi. I'll be deluding myself if I say that I'll be able to do that for you."

"And I understand. I do Nikhil. Better sooner than later. So this is it I guess then.", Rashi said, more to herself than to him.

"This is it. Goodbye Rashi."

"Goodbye Nikhil."

With the click of the phone on her side, the clock struck twelve and a song started playing on Rashi's laptop. In her voice. His birthday present.

"I just called to say I love you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

"Happy Birthday Nikhil.", she whispered as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

P.S. Listen to the songs "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt and "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette. I think they go along with the tone of the post. And of course they are prettu good to listen to too. :)

As you all (meaning those masochists who read my blog to get tortured no end) already know that I have taken my first step in the big bad corporate world (I just love making everything sound so melodramatic!) as an intern at a financial consultancy, so I thought it was time to report what I have been up to and how the company is still managing to stand, what with me in its premises! ;)

Well, those who are familiar with either me or this blog, know the kind of experiences I have had with the corporate world and for those who are not, chinta not!! Here’s all you need to know. :) "The Third Degree"

So, let’s start at the beginning. The first day. I arrive on time. (!) The waiting room soon swells up with loads of people, most of who seem to be interns too. But for the number of people in that room, there was very and I mean very little conversation. How was I to stand it!!?? Meri presence mein itna sannata!!??

So I took it upon my naazuk shoulders to bring some life into that dead room. And then began a round of introductions, some small talk and pleasant chit chat. In the course of this bonhomie, I decided to entertain all present with the anecdote of my interview at that particular company. I told them how surprised I was that I was actually selected for the training, as my interview had been anything but good. I barely knew any answers in the technical round - the most important of them all! And I described to them in detail how two people had taken my interview, one – a somewhat older, strict-looking guy and the other – a young and seemingly friendly kinda guy and how I answered all the questions I knew the answers to while looking at the older one and how I just flashed a dazzling smile at the younger one, each time I didn’t know an answer. ;) And I also told them how confidently I had given them a wrong answer. And how when they cross questioned me on it, I gave the same answer with the same confidence!

Na na, the story ain't over yet. Apparently there among the sea of interns, were also two three Assistant Managers, one of who was sitting right next to me and turned out to be in the same team as me!!

The moment I saw her being introduced in the office as the new AM of my department, all I could think was “There goes my PPO!” :( :(

And to think that that would be the end of me and her, was foolish of me. It turned out that her temporary seat was the one – yeah, you are on the right track- right next to me. :( :( :(

Now she had gone and collected all the stationery from the administration and kept it in her drawer. Now anyone who has been in an office knows the maara-maari there is for such petty things there. I being the blissfully ignorant new intern, think that all that stationery belonged to the person who had resigned and whose seat now lies vacant. So, what do I do? Rather than waiting to be issued an ID, access card, employee number, e-mail id and n number of other things before I get the allotted stationery, I pick the easier route. The route of course went through that particular drawer. And what happens next is very predictable; she asks me if I know where all the stationery went and I make the most innocent possible face ever (trust me, never have I been more grateful to the hours of practice put in those theatre classes) and say “No clue!” with a nonchalant shrug. And add “I took this one pencil though!” with a slightly flushed look on my face (Damn! I’m good!) :D

And the moment she moved from her seat, I promptly put all of it back and some extra stuff too, just in case! Later when she opened her drawer and realsied that it had all come back, she said “Look Isha, the stationery has come back on its own!”

And God bless the other intern for showing up at that precise moment and asking me to solve a problem he was having, for it helped me to completely ignore the AM’s comment. :D

The next day, she had been assigned a seat far away from me, thankfully!

And of course, how can I forget the introduction round? The moment my introduction began, there were sounds of crockery breaking in the cafeteria! : And it rained and hailed on my first day there. And I missed my cab and had to take a private cab back home.

All in all an eventful first day. :D

But if only the goof-ups ended there. :(

I ended up bad mouthing a very eminent college of the city, saying that only those who can cram facts and figures and are nothing more than mugging parrots end up in that college, to a team member, who it turned out was a pass-out of that college! I love you God, and I’m sure you love me too. It just shows You know. :P

Another one took place just two days back. A guy, somewhere in his late twenties, started talking to me out of the blue, while I was trying to figure out where to find my cab. This guy, at an earlier occasion too had tried to make conversation with me at the printer. For the uninitiated, the printer is akin to what the water cooler used to be in school. The place where people catch up with each other. So anyway, I listened to him, ohho, alright!, pretended to listen to him for some 2-3 minutes before getting irritated and saying “Listen ya, I really need to find my cab or else I’ll miss it” in a well, let’s just say, not-a-very-friendly tone!

On another occasion, while in the cab, one of my team members tells me about the other AM of our department and I’m totally clueless as to who she is talking about. The next day I look where she told me he sits, and lo and behold! The irritating chape guy was sitting on that chair!! Booo hoooo…..I wanted to cry!!

Why me??? WHY???

What now? Isn’t all this enough?? The post ends here. :P Gosh! What do you think of me haan??

P.S. Would love to know if any of you have had similar devastating experiences!
Well I’m sure this post gave you some re-assurance, time to return the favour now!! :P

P.P.S. As you might have noticed, it’s not so easy to master goof-ups such these, and hence I won’t be able to blog all that much. But dare any of you forget me or my blog!

P.P.P.S. Enjoy the lighter side of “C’est La Vie” while it lasts. Will be back to the grim posts soon. :D (Main grim bhi itni happily hoti hoon…he he…hmmm…I AM weird!! *shudders*)

Before I begin with my latest worthless attempt at fiction, I would like to sincerely apologize for making my blog disappear just like that and for the inconvenient visiting hours ( not that many would have noticed I’m sure, but still…). There were reasons aplenty for staying away from the most wonderful place on earth – Blogsville, exams, blog falling prey to unwanted eyes and some personal reasons being some of them.
I start off with my two and a half month long internship from tomorrow and I don’t know whether or not I’ll be able to blog all that regularly (hey! I saw that sigh of relief :P) and that’s the reason I wanted to post something today, despite having a long and tiring but fun day.
So here goes….

She wanted to be able to cry, when hurt. She wanted to be treated like a girl, if only by him. She wanted it to be known that she was as sensitive as a little child. That she too liked to sing and dance in the rain. She wanted to be like everyone else - normal.