She decided to take a year off to pursue her artistic inclinations, Shakespearean drama and stuff like that, I never understood too much about it. I remember bidding her good-bye at the station, there was a lump in my throat, but I put up my best face for her sake. Did I think I could fool her? Why did I even bother to try? She caught on in a second – “Look, stop acting. I know you don’t feel too good about this, so just remove that horrible grin from your face and behave normally. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Then, after giving me a quick hug, she got on the train and disappeared. I felt miserable. She seemed to have left a void inside me which nobody or nothing could fill.
My last year at college was devoted to studies and tennis. I kept myself busy so that I would get no time to think about her. We were in regular contact though, our telephone bills were huge, and we did meet during holidays. Time flew by, as it always does, and we were attending another graduation ceremony, only this time it was mine. I had done exceptionally well and a bright future awaited me.
It took me about an hour to disentangle myself from friends and professors, and then, after a family photograph with both our parents in attendance, I took her out for dinner. I can see her holding on to my arms beaming with joy. Dinner did not take too long.
Hands in hands, we were walking back from the restaurant by a route which we had taken so many times earlier, both of us engrossed in the memories that the familiar path evoked.
We sat down on a bench and she started telling me how much she had missed me. I gently put my fingers on her lovely lips and softly asked her, “Will you marry me?”
I was expecting her to say yes in a flash. I should have known better, after all when had she ever done anything I expected her to do. She did not say Yes.
She said, “Look, everything seems to be happening so fast. In fact it’s so perfect, almost too perfect. I love you more than anything else in this world. Let’s just give each other more time. Also you have your studies to consider and I want to make sure for both our sakes that in our haste we do not end up doing something that we might regret later. I hope you understand…It’s been a fairy-tale till now, but life is never a fairy-tale. I want us to hit a few bumps to really test our relationship. Today, I love you and you love me, but what about a tomorrow when things are not so rosy, will we still love each other?”
It took me a few seconds to grasp the implications of what she was saying. And when I did, I just could not bring myself to believe it. In effect she was refusing to marry me because in her own words things were too perfect. I simply failed to understand how being perfect for each other could be a reason for not marrying. I tried to reason with her and said that I was done with studies and had already made up my mind to take up a job, that a tomorrow in which I did not love her was never going to be a reality, no matter what the situation, my love for her would never lessen. She pursed her lips and told me not to be stupid. I could feel anger welling up inside me, with great difficulty I managed to restrain myself and said, “Will you or will you not marry me?”
“I will eventually, but I cannot allow myself to rush into something as important as marriage. Don’t you realize, even for yourself it would be better to complete your studies rather than taking a job just so that you can marry me. Let’s be rational, I mean what’s the big hurry?, she said.
I had however lost all sense of reason by that time and was in the grip of a fierce blinding rage. It was the first time I was angry with her, and also the last. I told her to stop talking rubbish. Who did she think she was to tell me what I did with my life? If she did not want to marry me now, I did not want to marry her ever. She had tears in her eyes. My fury however remained unabated, I continued to rant and rave scything through her with every word that I uttered. It’s all a blur now – I don’t even remember it properly, I don’t want to.
I remember leaving her crying forlornly on the bench. Oh God! How could I have left her there? I paid for it dearly, in the worst possible way. That is my last memory of her, no trace of a smile, eyes welling up with tears and her face contorted with sadness and grief.
I walked away from her and out of her life. I was crossing the road, still in the throes of anger, when suddenly looking towards my right I saw a truck bearing down on me, there was no time to step aside. In that split second, before death embraced me, it dawned on me that I had ruined both our lives. I knew exactly what Troilleus must have felt like when he was ready to exchange a thousand deaths for one chance to meet his beloved Cressida. I did learn to appreciate Shakespeare. I would have gladly undergone a million deaths for that one chance to hold her in my arms, to comfort her, to somehow convince her that it was not her fault, to see her laughing one last time. The second passed and I got no such chance.
It’s been ten long years since that fateful night and she has not forgiven herself. She is a pale shadow of herself, leading an unhappy existence filled with tears that never stop flowing, an aching grief that never stops gnawing, memories that never stop hurting. I wish that she would somehow find a way to kill those memories, to obliterate my shadow from her soul so that I could live a peaceful death. The pain, the anguish, the guilt, it’s unbearable, it gets worse by the day. It’s been ten long years and God knows how many more, but she will never let go of me.
And so both of us shall continue, with her having to die every passing second of her life…and me having to live every passing second of my death.
58 comments :
"Life is Beautiful"
Yeah?
You're a storyteller my friend.
I hate tragedies. Only when they're told like this is when they make sense to me.
Love
Chinmayee
Ouch.. But you know, I really loved this.. Somehow, I asociated the word PURe with this. I kinda knew the guy's reaction,though. But the last para is so beautiful that it made me cry.
The life of their relationship was beautiful, Indeed.
wow...ish..yaar...u really r something...REALLY!!...thats some story...thats some end..i expected u to kill her..but u killed him!! But thats not important...the rendition of the story..it really is something else yaar...chal chod i m outta words...puree class
luv
amith
First up:What's yo name? I can't congratulate Bongal_Rulz all the time!
Next: R.E.S.P.E.C.T! \m/
Long-Ass the story may be, the twist (albeit expected) was (after a long time) Jhatka!
The last lines about living in death and dying while living..
CLASSIC!
By Royal Dphat Decree,
Thou doth Rock!
Keep 'em coming!
So finally ended...its beautifully written
very nice ..
i hv no words..
pls check my post there is something for u n Arnab..
if u can inform Arnab too.. then i ll be highly thankful to u..
Pallav
Isha,
I know how you divert life slowly without the observance of the reader. One is reading and there it takes aturn and we dont really notice it that sharply...
You have that thing in you isha... Ji :-P
In last paragraphs, sentiments were filled really well and i loved that last line in that post....
Simply loved it....
Is that the end..? dosnt seem to be.. :-)
Keep writing
Cheers
*ooomph!* @ the way you concluded... Great job, buddy! Take a bow. :)
Peace. Have a wonderful weekend.
u kept the promise.. dint u??
u made sure tht i fall of my toes!!
brilliant is not the word. infact, i am unable to find a word for this..
i liked very much when she dint want to get married right then, very practical of her :)
and the guy, as expected reacted in an explosion. :D
but the end was mind blowing, sadness has crept in and i pity the girl, she has been torturing herself, punishing herself every moment for not saying yes..
Plz accept bows!!
@ Chinmayee - Ohhh!! I do too!! I know it might not seem like it, but I'm a sucker for happy endings too!!
Thanks for the wonderful comment. :)
Cheers
Really!! Glad that it is thought of so highly. :)
Ohhh!! It had that effect?? *Silent cheer!!* :)
Cheers
@ Amith - I am everything you think and more..he he.
Thanks for the kind words. :)
Cheers
this is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heart touching!!
it just ached my heart and made me want somethin so bad or rather someone!!
everytime i repeat myself! but you make me do it honey :)
you rock!
Ishhhhhhhaaaaa!!!!! :( :( :(
U bloody left me wid tears!!! TEARS!!!! :( :(
No lovestory I hav ever read has got me so emotional.. for reasons i rather forget, theres a lot in here that i hav already seen..
Her saying no to d marriage, her reasons...that is a lot lik someone i know.. *9 shots wali ladki :P* Makes me wanna give her a smile :)
Ur ending, nuthin abt it was cliched.. It kept me hook ryt down to the last fullstop. :) BRILLIANT u are!!! *bown down*
Bt u made me cryyyyy!!!! :( *sniff*
luv,
Annie.
Ohh god...that was beautiful...you wrote really well
@ Dphatsez - Why not?? It sounds kinda kewl. :P
The name's Isha.
And since we are on it, what's yours Dphatsez? :P
What??? Really??? YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!! :D :D
Sorry for taking so long to complete it. Work has been driving me crazy!! :(
Yeah it was cliched and that's the reason I was worried if it'll go down well with the readers or not.
Oooohh!! thank you thank you!! *takes a small bow*
@ Pallav - Thank you sooo much Pallav!!
Hopping on to yours right over!!
Cheers
@ Mahesh JI (:P) - Thank you soooo much!!!
Coming from a storyteller like yourself, the words carry much value. :)
Uffff!!! Not again!! YES, it IS the end!!
Why can I never make an end seem like one??? Boo hoo :(
@ Blehher (not the official one though :P) - Thenkew!! Thenkew!! :)
Hope you have HAD a nice weekend. :P
Cheers
@ Richa - I did?? I did?? YIPPEE !!!!!!!!! :D
Omg! Omg!! Really?? I'm sooo in love with you right now. he he. :D
Yes, I try to keep it as real as possible. So much so that sometimes the stories are not just stories, they are someone's experience. :)
Awwwww.....thank you so so soooooooooo much!!!
Cheers
@ Seher - Awwww!!! Thanks a tonne sweetie. :)
And repetition is something I don't mind as long as it is in my favour. he he. :P
Cheers
@ Annie - NO WAY!!! We are supposed to be them - the Unbreakable Girls!!
Awwww....had no idea that it'd invoke those deep buried feelings...I'm sorry!!! Had no such intentions!!
Really?? Kaun kaun?? :P
Awwww....thank you sooooo much sweetheart!!! I know I can always count on you for supporting me. :D
Sorry for that once again!!
@ Shanu - Hey!! thanks a tonne.
Glad to see ypu here again.
Cheers
WOW!!! I mean WOW, really WOW. I mean you were WOW. Ok, I'm stuck. Hee Hee :D But really, it was like..WOW.
Kya kahu??!!! My vocabulary extends to only a few words.!! lol. But, seriously, it was SUPER-AWESOME..lovely..unexpected and AMAZING!!!!! Hats off to you, seriously.
When do you plan to get yourself printed, eh??
And main latecomer nahi huuu.. :"( :"( Boohoo...your blog's gotten very popular now!! Main kya karu!!! And last night when I was checking my blogroll for updates..I wonder how I missed this!! :(
Hmm...i thought she was a practical and seemingly sensiblle girl. Why would she pine away in misery all her life .Judging from her character , i know she'll get over it and carry on..wont she ?
Nice writing, i thoroughly enjoyed it..do write more.
@ Dr. Acula - What????? Siya ki bolti bandh????????? YIPPEE !!!!!!!! lol.
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! I have like this HUGE grin on my face right now. :D
Right after you dahling, right after you. :P
Shut up you LATECOMER !! :P And you MISSED my blog update!! MISSED!!?? Hmmpphhhh.
@ Gymnast - Yes she was a very practical and very sensible girl. But even sensible people can falter at times.
Sometimes, that one moment can really redefine your life.
I hope so!!
Thanks a tonne. :)
Cheers
Isha , bows ^0^ for creating this work of art.
Kudos to your vocab and your style of writing .
But senti to kar hi diya tune sabko. One argument , aur sab kuch khatm ?
Patthardil isha !!....lolz
this time write happy endingwala kahani : indian style me :p
p.s : did read all 4 parts in one go to make the reading continuous :)
Wow. I loved it. I wasn't expecting the ending, at all. I like your blog, I'll be coming back.
Woah... really good...loved ur style.. u ll be seeing me around :)
@ Neeraj - Awwww!!! Thank you shoo much!!
He he..yeah yeah...I know I'm stone-hearted. :D
Arre yaar, however much I try, I'm not able to right happy-happy things. Too entrenched in reality. ;)
It's always a treat to see you here. :)
Cheers
@ Nana - Thanks a tonne for that wonderful comment.
You're more than welcome to C'est La Vie. :)
Cheers
@ Lakshmi - Really?? Thanks!!
It'll be my pleasure. Welcome to C'est La Vie. :)
Cheers
Nice and touching...you have used cressida and troilus example beautifully!!!
http://ektakhetan.blogspot.com
OH MY GOD. I just read all four parts and I did NOT see this coming. WOW.
Bumped into this blog accidentally some time back. But ever since have been glued to it..
Like the way you present things and events... Really nice...
feels good to be reading...
@ Numerounity - Thanks!! I have been wanting to use that line since forever now. :D
Welcome to C'est La Vie. Keep visiting!!
Cheers
@ Qi - Thanks a tonne there!!
C'est La Vie welcomes you. :)
Cheers
@ Fazal - Hey!! Thanks for that real sweet comment. Made me feel a million!
Welocme to C'est La Vie. Hope to see you around. :)
Cheers
ah, i waited a long time to read this.
entralling storyteller you definitely are
and your words are so easy flowing, so seemingly effortless that it is a real pleasure to read
write more soon!
Isha
mera naam((profile pe aur kiska naam tha :p) pata hone par bhi naam dubaara poochte ho?
Hain na kamaal ka Dhakkan!!
:D
hee hee! \m/
@ Meghana - Awww!!! Thank you so so so much!!!!
It means the world to me!! :)
Will do so definitely.
Welcome to C'est La Vie. Do keep visiting. :)
Cheers
@ Arun - Arre yaar, your blog was so MESMERISING, that I completely forgot to see your profile page. :P
Kamaal ki tto hoon, par dhakkan nahi!! huh!! :P
Cheers
:D..... I loved the ending....
(& as usual U were good with words..)
it was too poignant yaar...
hmhm.... I did not think U will kill the guy. that was a surprise.....
hmhm-- why is that in a tragic love story -- either the girl or the boy die.
I mean- I myself have seen too many tragic love stories where death was not a factor...
I think -- people kind a get settled around the idea that death is the ultimate cruelty.
but I dont think so- people jus add melodrama 2 death coz they haven't faced it yet.
After reading Ur romance -- I wanna write something -- some romance of real tragedy(no death)--- A tragedy that is often buried deep in our hearts....
But anyways I think i will take my time writing it...
& hey I loved your DP.... It was cute in a childish way. :)
cheers.. :)
isha???
how can u do this...man i luv u..(not in that sense )...
i dont have words..
i liked it so so so much....it was a perfect..no ..i mean...unexpected ending..but this..it took me off..
the way...you come up with this story..was awesome...hugs >:D<
Hey... sorry for the Ultra Late comment...
Do I even need to say that I loved this one? Just in case, I will.
I loved this one.
:D
It somehow reminded me of a short story I've read, don't remember the name. I think it was a translation of a Tagore short story...
Keep writing... you're good! :)
Cheers...
Long time no new post???
@ Muthu - Thank you sooooooooo much Muthu.
Hey that's not true!! I have written tragic ends without the element of death too.
Check out "A Love(strikethrough) Story". Would love to know your views on it.
And I can't wait to read your story!! Write it soon!!
Thanks for the comment!!
And I'm so sorry for not being regular on your blog. Internship sucks!! Big time!!
Cheers
@ Amrita - Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! he he
Thank you so so sooooooooooooooooo much for that AWESOME comment!!
Arre yaar sab chup ho jaoge tto main bore ho jaungi!!! :P
Comments such as yours are what keep me going. :)
Cheers
@ Arnab - Well, just add this to your already longer-than-I-am list of your compensations. :P
Awwww!!! Thenkew!!! :)
What??? Really?? You've gotta be kidding me right??
Oieee!! I hope you aren't accusing me of plagiarism!! :P
Cheers
@ Shanu - I know I know.
This internship thing is making me go crazyyyy!!! Been planning to blog since ages but blogging tto door ki baat I dun even get enough time to read the blogs I love. :(
Will be back soon!! Both on my blog and yours. :P
Cheers
Na re, don't worry.. I'm not accusing you of plagiarism :D I'm just saying, it was THAT good...
And oye, high time we did something about that list, eh?? :P
Hmmmm...phir theek hai. :P
Yes yes yes!!! Just pray to God that my internship gets over this Friday and then Saturday shall be FUNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And also... aapko jaankar khushi hogi, kal and parso I have to go to office again.... how sad is that??
@ Arnab - :P
Whoa!! Ridiculously good!! :) I guess I'll just have to read the rest of your posts now, and continue to stalk this place for long.. :)
I read your internship posts and found them fun. This is in stark contrast to that, isn't it?
I always try to write fiction in an opposite tone of what I feel. If I'm happy, I can afford to write a sad story, and not be affected by it. But when I'm sad, I try to stay away from spilling those emotions on paper. With that perspective, and reading the cheerful comments and non-fiction posts, I'm glad that this is just a story, and an awesome one at that.
I like the almost cool rational tone of the narrator that leaves you no inkling of what's gonna happen and what his current state is, I like the lack of melodrama regarding his death, and especially the precision of words. And c'mon, "live a peaceful death"?!! You've got some serious talent girl! :)
By all means!! Please do. :P :D
Yeah it is. Variety, thy name is Isha. :)
Really? You do that? Interesting...
Awww!! Thenkew sooo much for such generosity. :)
Keep visiting. :)
Cheers
u leave me speechless!!!
u re a born story tella mu gulabo:p
fabulous! awesssssuum n highly highly creative!!!! soooper vocab n brilliantly woven...:)
hugs!!!!!
divsi
[p.s: mainu kaindi si..main sad kar ditta...;)]
@ Divsi - Awwww!!! Mera Sunday super sexy bana dia tune kudiye apne comment se.
Mwahhh!! :)
Arre I tto am a sadist, you too? :P ;)
Thankyou sooooo much for the generosity. :) :)
Cheers
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