C'est La Vie....

Expectation was rife. Exaltation expected. Ebullience anticipated. The night was contained in the magnanimity of space.

I know, I know it’s been super duper long since my last post. But I have been really really really busy. And for once I mean it for real. :D

This internship has driven me crazy!! I knowwww!! I too thought I was already at the maximum level that anyone could go on the crazy scale!! :D

So anyway, if you thought that with time my goof-ups at work would have become lesser or at least of lesser intensity, Yup, you are WRONG. For the uninitiated, try this >> OFF THE RECORD, STRICTLY.

Alright, so let me tell you a bit about my work. It’s this really edge-of-the-seat kinda work you know, where one has to stare at the workstation, do number-crunching, read the stupid Income Tax Act - all while sitting on the seat!! Oh you wondering about the edge part? We are supposed to take a hard copy of all that we do, so yes, we constantly have to be on the edge of our seats to take those damn print-outs which eventually land up in the bin as my current erstwhile employers are too much of perfectionists. They’ll tell us to waste some more paper as “Oh!! But this thing should be in times new roman 12.5 and not 12 size!!” Ughhhh!!! “Let’s waste as much paper as we can!!” seems to be their motto!! I mean it’s so heart-wrenching you know. Especially for someone who writes less in the exams just so that she can save some paper. :D

So as you can guess the only exercise regimen I now have is that of walking to the printer. Now, me being the restless person that I’m, could not take it after 10 days. I just had to go out and release my pent-up energy. But where?

The queen of stupidity has an epiphany and marches off to the nearest washroom. Once there, she begins to jump up and down like a maniac. Had Jeetendra been there to witness the scene, I’m sure he’d have had inferiority complex. And just as I was about to put a stop to the torture I was causing to the floor, a lady comes out of one of the loos and stares at me with an expression that clearly said “Note to self: Stay away from this girl. She is a potential threat to mankind.” I of course dashed to the closest loo available.

After lying low for a few days after this incident, Neha (another intern) and I were once chatting nonchalantly in the office. Here’s what happened:
Neha: So how’s work?
Me: Usual ya. They really meant it when they said it’s going to be very demanding.
Neha: I know. Hey, have you seen that cute Transfer Pricing guy today?
Isha: Haan…wahin tto baitha hai. (points in his direction discretely) Kya yaar, there are NO cute guys in this office. No incentive to come every day. I hate this place.
The topic was then changed as is usual when two girls are chatting and soon we moved from guys to shopping to movies to what not.
Suddenly one of our senior managers passes us by. We happily say “Hi!” to him and he moves on. We resume chatting in the middle of the corridor leaning on one of the desks for support. Once again suddenly, he turns back and stops in front of us. And says “Itna mat socho, jis se baat karni hai bindaas karo.” And walks away.

And we realized that the desk we had been using as a support was no one else’s but his!! And we had conveniently failed to notice and had chatted there for at least 10 minutes. But still the two of us were lost on the comment he had made. It did not really make a lot of sense with what we were talking about at that time (movies).

So anyway, realizing that it was about time we both head to our respective seats, off we went in different directions. And it was while working on something that it hit me. I immediately dialled Neha’s extension and told her that I’d figured out what he was referring to. He was of course referring to our conversation about the “cute” guy!! He thought that we wanted to talk to him and were just a li'l too shy!!! The two of us, embarrassed as we were, could not help laughing our wits out.

Told you, I AM the queen of goof-ups.

So you think goof-ups are funny right?? WRONG!! :P (Get used to it – most of what you think is just that – wrong) :P

Allow me to apprise you of a very very sad goof-up. In my office (like in most offices), all social networking sites are banned and no, proxy sites are of no help either. So in my free time (alright alright!! – most of my time spent at office) I used to blissfully log in to apna dear blogspot and read your beautiful blogs and reply to your comments on mine. But alas! After 3-4 days of my prolonged stays on the blogspot, I realized it had been banned too!!! Apparently the IT department keeps an eye on what all one is doing while pretending to be super busy with work on the computer. Hmmpphhhh!! Now you know why I hate technology.

And now comes the last one. Pakka pakka!! Aur nahi pakaungi!!
Some news channel had come to our office for a shoot prior to the announcement of the Budget and all. And these guys decided to get the firm’s partner’s views in the bay rather than in his own room. I was as expected working my ass off (read checking my yahoo mail), when suddenly the girl who sits next to me comes from the printer and says “Isha, can we sit and keep working?” Without looking up from my computer screen, I said ”Of course ya!!” (I had started to get a bit irritated with all the fuss being made over the interview) and then thinking that I had been a bit rude looked up to smile at her and BAM!!

I see a huge camera placed right behind me directed halfway at my computer screen!! I swear, the speed with which the window was minimized would put the fastest keyboard player to shame. (that’s Adnan Sami btw right?)

My college is re-opening from the 13th and my internship does not seem to end. These guys want me to work till the 15th for them. I’m trying all that I can so that they kick me out. Wish me luck.

P.S. And I’m really really sorry for not being able to read a lot of posts lately. Please forgive me. With college due to re-open shortly, I shall be visiting your blogs soon hopefully. J

Rashi promised herself that this time she will not let herself give an excuse to walk out of a relationship that would amid the many insecurities she feared show her a world of little joys and eternal happiness and true love perhaps. The excuses so far had been amusing, if not lame altogether. Someone was way too tall, someone very taciturn, someone very organised and someone way too fair even! Not this time though, she thought to herself.

It had been only a month since she had met Nikhil and yet it seemed like they had known each other for ages. Both of them having imposing personalities, were egotists of the highest order and were extremely stubborn, which on some occasions brought a lot of fun and on others led to tension between the two. But one or the other would always give in and the two would be back to being the lovebirds that they had become.

Rashi, a very unusual girl, was not very expressive when it came to letting her close ones know what they meant to her. Perhaps this was the reason why she had never really been lucky in the matters of the heart. Of course, her rather unusual choice in guys being partly to blame too.

She did not believe in Love. Or perhaps she did and only pretended that she did not. No one knows. Not even her. But she did have weird notions about this so called "Love".

"Nikhil, don't ever say that you love me, unless you mean it for real.", she said after they had had a small fight and Nikhil had slipped in a "But you know that I love you sweetie." while comforting her. She was a little taken aback at this.

Sure, she liked him, more than anything and anyone else in the world and knew that he did too, but love?? LOVE - if it existed - scared her!

"I do mean it sweetheart.", he asserted with an intensity that Rashi had never seen before and that reflected not only in his words but his eyes too.

Nikhil sensed her uncomfortableness and said "And you DON'T have to say it back if you don't want to." And once again Rashi hated herself for not being able to bring herself to say those three words.

"Thanks. Thanks for understanding.", was all she could manage to say.

"But you don't mind if I say je t'aime, right? Instead of I Love You??", he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Remind me to wear stilettos the next time I come to meet you.", she said.

"Uhhh...okkk...but why?", asked Nikhil, a little surprised.
"So that I can whack you on your head whenever I want to.", she answered, trying to reach the top of his head by standing on tiptoes.

"Achaaa?? I could always lift you, you know.", he said, coming in closer.

"Yeah right. Size dekha hai apna?", Rashi poked fun at the very idea and started giggling.

In answer to her question, Nikhil wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up in one smooth movement.

Rashi's giggling was replaced with a surprised smile. She put her arms around his neck and rubbed her nose against his thrice and lingered, her face so close to his that she could feel his breath on her. He gave her a gentle peck on her cheek and said "I'm sorry but it's not my fault that I can't help falling in love with you."

She just crinkled her nose in answer and again in one smooth movement he put her back on the ground.

And hand in hand, they entered the theatre for the movie, which by now was about to reach its interval.


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He looked at the entry gate of the airport for the tenth time in the last three minutes. His mind said that she wouldn't come but his heart wished otherwise.

They had had a fight last night which ended in her hanging up on him. She hadn't been taking his calls since.

Disappointed, he sat down and thought how difficult the coming one month would be. He was going to London for the last leg of his graduation - his training.

He knew no one there and was not at all excited at the prospect of going so far away from Rashi when she had her summer vacations on. Adding to his misery was the fact that his birthday fell in this particular month. Never for the past 22 years of his life had he spent it alone, without friends and family.

He was almost on the verge of tears when he felt his cell phone vibrate in his jeans pocket. His heart took a leap when he saw who was calling.

"Hello?? Where are you?? Your flight hasn't left, has it?? I'm stuck in the parking outside. I'll be there in ten minutes max. Wait!! Ok!!??", she gushed in one breath.

And soon enough, a girl who looked like she had come right out of her bed, could be seen running and bumping into people, stumbling, regaining her lost balance and then running again towards the bench where Nikhil sat.

Panting she stood in front of him. Nikhil could make out from her puffed up red eyes that she had been up all night crying. He got up to face her.

Rashi put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulders for a full minute before they both burst out saying "I'm sorry!" at the same time.

She looked up into his eyes and he read what they were saying. Tucking the two strands of her hair falling on her face, behind her ear, he said, almost choked, "I'll miss you too." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her on the forehead. "I wish I could freeze time and hold you like this forever."

Unwillingly, he broke apart and picked his luggage up with one hand (as the final call was being made) while the other was holding hers. Squeezing it slightly, he said, "You do know that I love you, right? Oops! I meant je t'aime." " I know, I know. You and your concept of "Love". But I love you and I'll say it all I want to." And with a final look at her, he turned around and walked away into the sea of crowd moving towards the entrance for the waiting lounge.

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She called him with half an hour still to go for his birthday. She wanted to make sure that she was the first one to wish him a happy birthday.

"Hi sweety. How are you?", she asked, being her chirpy self.

"Hey..." Just from the tone of that "Hey" she sensed that something was not right.

"Hey!! You alright? You don't sound so good!", she asked, getting concerned.

"Hmmm..."

"Kya hua baby? What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"Shut it ok! I know some thing's wrong and I'm not letting you not tell me about it. So out with it."

"Remember Akansha, mu cousin?", he gave in finally. "Mausi has come to know about her relationship and all hell has broken lose."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah."

"So what's the problem? The guy isn't good? Or is it the fact that it isn't arranged?", the problem-solver in her came to the fore-front.

"Neither."

"Then?"

"The problem is that he ain't one of us."

"Phirang hai kya?", asked Rashi.

"Very funny. He's not from our caste ya."

"Excuse-me!!?? But he is a nice guy, right?"

"I guess."

"So let me get this straight. Your mausi has objections just because he's not from your caste ?" asked Rashi incredulous.

"It gets better. He actually does belong to the same caste as us but not from the same segment."

"Unbelievable!!" Rashi was too surprised to say anything else.

"And I have just got done trying to convince her out of this relationship because mausi asked to."

And then it hit her.

Still she said, "It's ok Niks. Sometimes we have to do things we don't really want to or...."

"Oh shut it Rashi!"

There was silence on the line.

"I feel rotten you know. I feel like this big hypocrite who's convincing his cousin of not doing something when he himself is involved with a girl who forget the same segment or caste, does not even belong to the same religion. I mean I'm Parsi and you a Punjabi for crying out loud!"

Silence again.

"I don't know Rashi. I could not see my mausi cry and I know I won't be able to see either of my parents in such a condition."

"Hmmmm...is this what I think it is?", asked Rashi.

"You tell me. Will you be able to stand up to your parents for an inter-caste marriage?"

"Nikhil, I don't know if I'll be marrying you at all. It is too early for me to even think something like that. But then that is something which I'll never have to worry about, because if I love someone enough to marry him, I'll do all that is in my power and beyond to make sure that I do, parents notwithstanding."

For a third time that day, silence made a re-appearance.

"I'm not too sure Rashi. I'll be deluding myself if I say that I'll be able to do that for you."

"And I understand. I do Nikhil. Better sooner than later. So this is it I guess then.", Rashi said, more to herself than to him.

"This is it. Goodbye Rashi."

"Goodbye Nikhil."

With the click of the phone on her side, the clock struck twelve and a song started playing on Rashi's laptop. In her voice. His birthday present.

"I just called to say I love you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

"Happy Birthday Nikhil.", she whispered as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

P.S. Listen to the songs "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt and "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette. I think they go along with the tone of the post. And of course they are prettu good to listen to too. :)

Friends. Secrets. Omission. Promises. Lies. Trade-offs. Pinki swears. Betrayal. Complications. Truth. Future. Headaches. Trust. The lack of it. Expectations. Saridon. Sleepless nights. Tugging conscience. Awkward silences. Manipulation. Incessant thinking.

Yes, one night can change many people's lives.
Unfortunately, it did.

P.S. Happy New Year. :l

SHE REMEMBERS

His warm hands enveloping her cold ones.
The firm grip.
The perfume on his neck.
The broad shoulders,
The strong back.
The soft hair on his hands.
His disarming deep gaze.
The way his hands tucked her hair behind her ear.
And gently caressed her tender lips.
When he tried to manage both the steering wheel and the gears with just one hand
As the other rested on her thigh interlocked with hers.

SHE REMEMBERS

That fateful day.
The confrontation.
The incessant rain of tears.
His indifference.
Her anger.
The sinking feeling.
Her disappointment in him.
In herself.
Regretting knowing him.

All this, as she tries to UN-REMEMBER it all.