C'est La Vie....

The hours go by, uncounted. The clock ticks, unwillingly. Wishing you would limbo into sleep so that it can rest too. You shift and toss around in bed. Try to shut your mind off. Remind yourself to shut your eyes too. You are falling into a bottomless pit. It is dark. Unbelievably dark. It feels like being sucked into a meaningless space, a space that has nothing except the color black.

You hear voices. In your head. You lean on the Metro door and look out towards the city lights. The chit chat of the chirpy girls does nothing to drown the voices. You plug your earphones in. The voices stop. Instead, a montage of images starts playing - replete with background music. In hapless frustration, you snap them out and swear.

The cold air hits your face. Much like reality. You close your eyes for some seconds. But you can't keep them closed for long. And then, the void again. You start to move. But the void doesn't. You are going into the center of the void. Slowly first, then faster. You want to scream. But the void clasps your mouth shut. You want to explode.....to shatter into millions of pieces, but the void holds you, till you choke.

She was a seductress. Both on AND off-stage.

She was singing like a Goddess. Even from a distance of some ten feet, she seemed to have eyes only for me. Her lustrous wavy hair buoying up and down, dainty hands making rhythmic movements, cherry red lips parting to make a voice that traversed the boundaries of my ears to reach my heart, the gentle sway of her slender waist - it all seemed to be only for me, despite the five hundred plus crowd.

Knowing her has been nothing short of magical. Her enchanting voice has me transported back to the day when our paths first crossed.

I had been shop-hopping with a friend trying to help him pick out something for his girl friend's birthday. A gentle tap on my shoulder had me turn around to look at the face (and more!) of the woman who'll change my life. Her "Do you have this in Size 26?" should have enraged the normal me but for the heavenly beauty she was. I had to almost remind myself that I was not a sales person. To this day, I'm not sure if this was an actual 'accident' or a staged one.

Three years, innumerable fights - with each other and for each other, several moments of doubts, and several plus thousand moments of bliss later - here we are. Still together, and very much in love.

My mornings are incomplete without her drowsy kisses and nights don't end without her lip-bruising ones. Her lazy sighs and gentle caresses, tender touch and warm breath still make me go weak in the knees.

There couldn't have been a better day to ask Nancy to be mine, forever.

Her first big ticket live performance. And the ceremony for my 'Young Female Entrepreneur of the Year' award.

Tonight we will raise a toast to Nancy and Avantika.

P.S. This is a complete figment of my imagination. There is absolutely no intent to stereotype anyone. If anything, it is an effort to make people embrace diversity. If I have offended anyone unknowingly by this post, I apologize.

Have you ever taken a long walk and just felt - FREE?? I adore walking! It makes me feel like a supermodel who's walking her own ramp walk - with my own set of rules of course. All I need is a pair of headphones and some good music and I'm off to my wonderland. :)




Have you ever smiled, without reason? I used to do that. All. the. time. And no, not like some idiot smiling cos that's the only way he/she knows to react. It used to be amazing. I still pretty much do it. But don't really feel it. Unless of course it's a smile brought upon by a kid.


Have you ever looked at a kid playing in all its innocent glory and wanting one for yourself too. Badly. And only for yourself. Not to be shared with anyone. Why can't people have their own kids? Will it not be cool if you could do stuff to yourself and voila you have a baby!! It's quite neat the way I think it - I know I'll be good. And obviously if I'm good, I'm going to enjoy it. And at the end of it all I have what I want - without having to share it with anyone!


Have you swung so high on a swing that you felt you were on top of the world? No matter the height in measurable feet  - the distance from ground to the apex of the swing seeming downright divine.


Have you ever felt that you are a terrible terrible person? Have you ever felt incapable of being happy for other people? For people who perfectly deserve success. Heck! For people you don't even know well!? Have you ever dreamed of weird, contorted, and terrible things about people you hold dear?

In a narrow gali of Seelampur, a school is where I discovered much to my joy that 'Love' still exists - that too in its purest form - unconditional.

As I walked into my class - a set of incredibly tiny children produced a resounding chorus of "Goood Aaaafternooooon Didi", which seemed too loud to be coming from them. And there! I had lost my heart to them.

Some shy, others super confident, most excited, a few lost in their own world - but all equally beautiful. One kiddo did a robot dance, another read out a story about a ghost that he had himself authored, and then we all sang "We shall overcome". And I know for a fact that at that point, each one of us in the classroom - all the kids, me, and the fellow (Vignesh) - believed in every word of the song.

Then began the crazy 'I-wanna-connect-with-you' session that I initiated. Asked random questions with predictable answers and high-fived with each of the kids when we had similar likes/dislikes. And the hi-5 frenzy pretty much continued for the rest of the day - right from the time we went to play to the last bye said.

Suddenly, everyone in the class wanted me to read out stories. And before I knew it, I had some six story books thrust in my hands! After I read the first one and Vignesh very politely gave me tips to make the reading session more effective, I read out a story called "Pehalwan Ji". And with Vignesh's tips, I managed to engage and enthrall (I think!) the kids! Then I read/enacted another one. And after that, refused further requests. :D

It was now PLAY TIME! But Vignesh, being the dedicated fellow that he is, played his role to the T and made the kids bargain hard for their share of play time. Finally, he gave in (who wouldn't??? when such a bunch of cuties are involved??!!) and the girls and the boys - former in a single file, led by me and latter haphazardly - proceeded to the play ground.

We played one of my favorite games as a kid - Dog and the bone!!! Some 20 minutes in the sun, scoring and missing at times, and occasional chants of "Cheating! Cheating!" later, the game came to an end, with the team I was a part of losing. :( :(

Back in the class, me and my team were made fun of by the other team. The sound of "Losers! Losers!" rang across the corridors. Losing had never felt so sweet.

And with that the school day came to an end. But a bunch of kids just didn't want to leave and hung around till the time I was there. I played keekli with the girls and mock fought with the boys. A little girl (Khushi) almost ordered me to come everyday to their class (presuming to be a fellow) and had me walk her to her home which was nearby. She even insisted that I visit her home!

FAVORITE MOMENT: One girl coming up to me and saying "Didi you are very nice. I is like you very much." And the other one standing by her side goes " And you are very beautiful." It was like the two were in some flattery competition!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

There will be day when the darkness will overpower the sunshine, when the mind will refuse to believe, when 'self' will want to give in to others. On those days, I will look back to these couple of hours and thank whoever/whatever it is that thought me worthy of experiencing this absolute bliss.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A word about the TFI fellows:

These are young people. People who could have done anything with their lives but chose to teach in some of the most challenging classrooms. Respect.
Each one has his/her own story - of trials and tribulations - but their passion and determination won over them all.