C'est La Vie....

It's not easy being in a long distance relationship.
Long distance relationships are doomed to fail the test of time.
It's impossible to bridge the physical gap. 

These are the most common things I heard from friends and family when I volunteered to share my new boyfriend's - who was based out of a different city than mine - details. So, cautious of the ill-fate that my LDR may meet and armed with all the advice and suggestions from the said parties I started seeing this guy.

We had a whirl of a time discovering each other, the place each of us called home, the different lingo we had for the same things, falling off to sleep while listening to the other's voice on phone, learning what a boon Skype was for people like us. Until it all ended. And physical gap was one of the last things to be blamed.

Yes, long distance relationships can be tough. But aren't all relationships tough by default? I constantly find myself working hard to maintain harmonious relations with my folks, friends, and colleagues. So why single out this?

Truth be told, I loved every bit of this so-called tough-to-maintain-relationship. And here's why:

1. NO PRESSURE TO LOOK DROP DEAD GORGEOUS 24X7
Not that I'm some Prom Queen, but being a girl there usually is an expectation to look good each and every time you meet the object of your affection. And more so in the initial phase of the relationship, when both of you are testing the waters. Not anymore! I could have all my phone dates with unkempt hair, chipped nails, and in pajamas! And Skype too - as the amazing camera quality can barely capture the difference between a Barbie and a poorly-aging-Britney.

2. STRAIGHT TO THE BUSINESS
Seeing each other after long gaps, you'd be so eager to catch up that you would rarely bother with the small talk. And more often than not, with the pressure of the clock ticking away, you'll be getting under the sheets at the first opportunity that comes along. Time would never feel so precious.

3. PLAY TOURIST
You get to discover all about a new place - and not just the touristy things. You get to really see the city from the perspective of someone who calls it home, who is aware of all the magic that the city offers and also all the grimy details it hides. The entire tour guide and tourist role play also offers a set-up for interesting dates.

4. FREE-ED UP WEEKENDS
Ever wondered how our girl friends usually know that there's a new guy in our life without us even telling them? That's because we usually cut them off / drastically reduce time spent with them each time this happens. We promise ourselves that we wouldn't do it the next time onwards and yet....But with your boyfriend safely tucked away in another part of the world, you still have all the weekends to yourself for partying and shopping with girl friends, going for family outings, and catching up with life in general.

5. MAGICAL REALISM
Even the most routine of things - like making tea in the kitchen, watching a movie on the laptop sitting next to each other - become nothing short of magical. Sharing a meal together is as exciting as going on a ride in an amusement park. Just being able to touch their face and smell their fragrance....breathe the same air as them...would become the stuff of your dreams.

It feels like I'm under water. Everything's slow and far away. A minute or so later,I'm gasping for air. Frantic to get out of here. But scared of losing what I hold close.

I had never wanted to have anything in my life that I couldn't stand to lose. But it was too late for that.

My love story had ended. Just like that. No elaborate goodbyes, no blame games, no shedding of tears, no long drawn conversations - as simply and seamlessly as it had started.

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It was a summer of great promise. New city, new job, new people. I couldn't have been more excited. To teach in the erstwhile Delhi University was a dream come true. For as long as I could remember, I had wanted to be become a professor - the noblest profession of it all. To deliver lessons that would be immortal - affecting people yet unborn, people I will never see or know - to inspire lifelong learning and a passion for knowledge, to be an agent of the future -- the mere thought overwhelmed me.

My first day, like all the other firsts in my life was a disaster. A disaster whose ripples I still feel, commuting to work on a cold foggy morning, pretending to be lost in the book I'm holding. 

He saw the bloody rivers of injustice,
And begged me for words,
"Show them", he said, for his eyes were in tears.
That minstrel of my court forced a pen upon my hand.
And, thus I wrote -
'The cronies grow imperious day by day,
Their ruthless spirit grows stronger,
When? When will they stop?
When they doth kill the last shining ray?
Wherefore they kill their brothers from different religions?
Up in arms - bloody knives and swords and spears,
And flaming torches scaring even the thundered arcs.
Who hath but given them power?
Who doth bestow them right?
To annihilate all in their path.
Whose might begs them on, to crush but their like.'

"Write on!" said the Minstrel, pumped up and excited,
"Weave, spin, show them all", for his eyes were in tears,
And, thus I submissively wrote -
'What lust rules their vicious blood?
Where did they learn such gory games?
Not S/He, surely not His/Her lessons they show.
For, which commandment taught them such lunatic craving?
An avaricious act of rape!
Oh! As I read the newspaper, a picture unfolds.
A picture as dark as the blackest hole,
For no reaosn however bold,
Can justify this modern genocide masked by a charade.'

My hand shakes, and the pen but slips,
But, again rose the Minstrel, little had he to say,
His wet eyes were words enough,
And I couldn't help but write -
'I see hatred under every skin,
Poured into a terrorist up to the brim.
Petty jealousy and frustration reflects, as I walk by,
A weathered urchin on the road up high.
I see it on a father's brow,
Who murdered an innocent foetus.
I see it! I see it in the mirror,
When I simply turn around my face.'

The Minstrel's bloody eye woke me up, as if from a trance
And I could not help but vent -
'Greed grows manifold everyday,
It glares at me even from a dead man's face,
I, me, myself is all that we think about,
But to snatch the tiniest morsel,
Off the mouth of the needy!
But, to build a palace, by laying thousands in grave!
Whence came such justice,
Where corruption was God and,
Sufferers destined to servitude.
Whence came such commandments, for they surely are not His/Her.'

In his vehemence, he began to pur words  down my spine,
Through every part of my body, so much so that
I felt them as I wrote -
'They discriminate on color, birth, race, and sex;
In fact on everything but worth.
All crimes in plenty, for they let loose none but the guilty.
Oh! Don't you understand my Minstrel!
These words are just words.
They mean no more than land for a fish.
They mean not a penny for a wretched beggar.
They mean not a morsel for a malnourished child.
They mean but a blunt arrow to an archer.
Don't really expect much, my Minstrel,
For these words won't change a society so wild.
They are but hollow words; spoken vehemently,
By each Minstrel within every man of our society
Yet they are words that we all chose to ignore,
And therein horrendous crimes rule our kind,
To bring terror no more than faith.
Faith enough to believe that someday,
We might just open our eyes.
Terror enough to ensure,
That every man suffers before he dies.'

So this is how it feels, she thought, as she felt the fine granules of sand leaving her clenched fist to meet the earth. It was almost as if the earth was pulling them towards itself, and they had but little choice to not fall in its trap.

Not too long ago, she had felt sure that the fistful of sand in her hands was in her control. Completely. Entirely. Unequivocally.

So this is how it feels to see your life slipping out of your hands. To know that someone else held the strings all along and your beliefs were nothing but a make believe world you had created for yourself.

An unannounced gust of wind was enough to throw her off balance and make her let go of the sand that she had kept safe in her tiny hands despite the strong storm. The pebbles, the clip, and the pen cap had all been dropped, to preserve the sand. And now, it was gone too.

Your life is a mess. You know it. One aspect goes wrong and you try to fix it. Another aspect falls to pieces, you ignore it. But there is that one thing, you know will never go wrong. Because you have put all that you ever had in it, sometimes at the cost of other, more important things in life. And yet, one fateful day, you find yourself feeling empty. 

She stood there -
Watching the sand that had now become a part of the infinite on that beach.
Feeling helpless for she could not pick up the lost pieces.
Listening to the sounds of the subsiding storm outside
Raging a much stronger storm inside of her

If I was so sure of where I was going....how did I get so lost?