Rashi promised herself that this time she will not let herself give an excuse to walk out of a relationship that would amid the many insecurities she feared show her a world of little joys and eternal happiness and true love perhaps. The excuses so far had been amusing, if not lame altogether. Someone was way too tall, someone very taciturn, someone very organised and someone way too fair even! Not this time though, she thought to herself.
It had been only a month since she had met Nikhil and yet it seemed like they had known each other for ages. Both of them having imposing personalities, were egotists of the highest order and were extremely stubborn, which on some occasions brought a lot of fun and on others led to tension between the two. But one or the other would always give in and the two would be back to being the lovebirds that they had become.
Rashi, a very unusual girl, was not very expressive when it came to letting her close ones know what they meant to her. Perhaps this was the reason why she had never really been lucky in the matters of the heart. Of course, her rather unusual choice in guys being partly to blame too.
She did not believe in Love. Or perhaps she did and only pretended that she did not. No one knows. Not even her. But she did have weird notions about this so called "Love".
"Nikhil, don't ever say that you love me, unless you mean it for real.", she said after they had had a small fight and Nikhil had slipped in a "But you know that I love you sweetie." while comforting her. She was a little taken aback at this.
Sure, she liked him, more than anything and anyone else in the world and knew that he did too, but love?? LOVE - if it existed - scared her!
"I do mean it sweetheart.", he asserted with an intensity that Rashi had never seen before and that reflected not only in his words but his eyes too.
Nikhil sensed her uncomfortableness and said "And you DON'T have to say it back if you don't want to." And once again Rashi hated herself for not being able to bring herself to say those three words.
"Thanks. Thanks for understanding.", was all she could manage to say.
"But you don't mind if I say je t'aime, right? Instead of I Love You??", he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Remind me to wear stilettos the next time I come to meet you.", she said.
"Uhhh...okkk...but why?", asked Nikhil, a little surprised.
"So that I can whack you on your head whenever I want to.", she answered, trying to reach the top of his head by standing on tiptoes.
"Achaaa?? I could always lift you, you know.", he said, coming in closer.
"Yeah right. Size dekha hai apna?", Rashi poked fun at the very idea and started giggling.
In answer to her question, Nikhil wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up in one smooth movement.
Rashi's giggling was replaced with a surprised smile. She put her arms around his neck and rubbed her nose against his thrice and lingered, her face so close to his that she could feel his breath on her. He gave her a gentle peck on her cheek and said "I'm sorry but it's not my fault that I can't help falling in love with you."
She just crinkled her nose in answer and again in one smooth movement he put her back on the ground.
And hand in hand, they entered the theatre for the movie, which by now was about to reach its interval.
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He looked at the entry gate of the airport for the tenth time in the last three minutes. His mind said that she wouldn't come but his heart wished otherwise.
They had had a fight last night which ended in her hanging up on him. She hadn't been taking his calls since.
Disappointed, he sat down and thought how difficult the coming one month would be. He was going to London for the last leg of his graduation - his training.
He knew no one there and was not at all excited at the prospect of going so far away from Rashi when she had her summer vacations on. Adding to his misery was the fact that his birthday fell in this particular month. Never for the past 22 years of his life had he spent it alone, without friends and family.
He was almost on the verge of tears when he felt his cell phone vibrate in his jeans pocket. His heart took a leap when he saw who was calling.
"Hello?? Where are you?? Your flight hasn't left, has it?? I'm stuck in the parking outside. I'll be there in ten minutes max. Wait!! Ok!!??", she gushed in one breath.
And soon enough, a girl who looked like she had come right out of her bed, could be seen running and bumping into people, stumbling, regaining her lost balance and then running again towards the bench where Nikhil sat.
Panting she stood in front of him. Nikhil could make out from her puffed up red eyes that she had been up all night crying. He got up to face her.
Rashi put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulders for a full minute before they both burst out saying "I'm sorry!" at the same time.
She looked up into his eyes and he read what they were saying. Tucking the two strands of her hair falling on her face, behind her ear, he said, almost choked, "I'll miss you too." He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her on the forehead. "I wish I could freeze time and hold you like this forever."
Unwillingly, he broke apart and picked his luggage up with one hand (as the final call was being made) while the other was holding hers. Squeezing it slightly, he said, "You do know that I love you, right? Oops! I meant je t'aime." " I know, I know. You and your concept of "Love". But I love you and I'll say it all I want to." And with a final look at her, he turned around and walked away into the sea of crowd moving towards the entrance for the waiting lounge.
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She called him with half an hour still to go for his birthday. She wanted to make sure that she was the first one to wish him a happy birthday.
"Hi sweety. How are you?", she asked, being her chirpy self.
"Hey..." Just from the tone of that "Hey" she sensed that something was not right.
"Hey!! You alright? You don't sound so good!", she asked, getting concerned.
"Hmmm..."
"Kya hua baby? What's bothering you?"
"Nothing."
"Shut it ok! I know some thing's wrong and I'm not letting you not tell me about it. So out with it."
"Remember Akansha, mu cousin?", he gave in finally. "Mausi has come to know about her relationship and all hell has broken lose."
"Uh-oh."
"Yeah."
"So what's the problem? The guy isn't good? Or is it the fact that it isn't arranged?", the problem-solver in her came to the fore-front.
"Neither."
"Then?"
"The problem is that he ain't one of us."
"Phirang hai kya?", asked Rashi.
"Very funny. He's not from our caste ya."
"Excuse-me!!?? But he is a nice guy, right?"
"I guess."
"So let me get this straight. Your mausi has objections just because he's not from your caste ?" asked Rashi incredulous.
"It gets better. He actually does belong to the same caste as us but not from the same segment."
"Unbelievable!!" Rashi was too surprised to say anything else.
"And I have just got done trying to convince her out of this relationship because mausi asked to."
And then it hit her.
Still she said, "It's ok Niks. Sometimes we have to do things we don't really want to or...."
"Oh shut it Rashi!"
There was silence on the line.
"I feel rotten you know. I feel like this big hypocrite who's convincing his cousin of not doing something when he himself is involved with a girl who forget the same segment or caste, does not even belong to the same religion. I mean I'm Parsi and you a Punjabi for crying out loud!"
Silence again.
"I don't know Rashi. I could not see my mausi cry and I know I won't be able to see either of my parents in such a condition."
"Hmmmm...is this what I think it is?", asked Rashi.
"You tell me. Will you be able to stand up to your parents for an inter-caste marriage?"
"Nikhil, I don't know if I'll be marrying you at all. It is too early for me to even think something like that. But then that is something which I'll never have to worry about, because if I love someone enough to marry him, I'll do all that is in my power and beyond to make sure that I do, parents notwithstanding."
For a third time that day, silence made a re-appearance.
"I'm not too sure Rashi. I'll be deluding myself if I say that I'll be able to do that for you."
"And I understand. I do Nikhil. Better sooner than later. So this is it I guess then.", Rashi said, more to herself than to him.
"This is it. Goodbye Rashi."
"Goodbye Nikhil."
With the click of the phone on her side, the clock struck twelve and a song started playing on Rashi's laptop. In her voice. His birthday present.
"I just called to say I love you. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."
"Happy Birthday Nikhil.", she whispered as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek.
P.S. Listen to the songs "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt and "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette. I think they go along with the tone of the post. And of course they are prettu good to listen to too. :)
