C'est La Vie....

I read this on Sowmi's blog and immediately knew that I had to take it up.

The number of X's is directly proportional to the level of my dumbness. Read on. :)

[X] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking. (Looks away)
[X] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking. (Looks away, whistling and trying to look for a place to hide herself!)
[X] You have ran into a glass/screen door. (Haven't YOU???)
[X] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. (Ever travelled in Delhi's blue-line buses?)
[X] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself. (This has got me into trouble sooo many times, that it's not even funny anymore!!)
[X] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks. (Yes yes, and it does not end there. Usually I give them an even weirder look and then continue with my Ravan-kind laughter. :D)

Alright, first set of questions completed, and all have been crossed. Maybe this tag wasn't such a good idea after all...

[X] You have run into a tree/bush. (This is really belittling my dumbness. I have ran into a solid wall for God's sake. And that too with a car!!)
[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[X] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times. (Once, when I first read this tag. :D)
[X] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.
[ ]You just tried to sing them. [Ha! I did not! (I already did when i read it for the first time. ;) And God!! They actually DO rhyme!!)]

[X] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[ ] You have choked on your own spit. (Ewww!! No!!!)
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it. (Proudly smiles at not crossing this one.) :)
[ ] You’ve never seen the Matrix. (Smug face)
[X] You type only with two fingers. (Smug face disappears) :(

[ ]You have accidentally caught something on fire. (Accidentally, no. Deliberately, yes. Wait, does that make me even dumber??) *worried*
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes. (Lol!! No!! BUT, I'll tell you what happened at Pizza Hut the other day. I was drinking outta a straw and the lemonade just didn't come into my mouth!! I sucked at the liquid at least half a dozen times before realising that it was broken in between!!) (This is a "dumb" tag, I can tell stories which are not very funny OR relevant wherever and whenever I want too. :)
[X] You have caught yourself drooling. (Better than letting myself drool all over right? A better question would have been - You've NOT caught yourself drooling. Or has someone else caught you drooling.)
[ ] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair. (Fallen asleep - yes. Fell outta my chair- yes again. But BOTH simultaneously - Hell no!!)

[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking. (Sometimes, I just START thinking.) ;)
[X] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about.
[X] People often shake their heads and walk away from you. (Does people include Moms too?? Come on man!! They are moms!!! They are SUPPOSED to be like that!!)
[X] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math.

[ ] You have eaten a bug. (Vegetarian)
[X] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important. (duh!)
[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it.
[X] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand. (This is a proven sign of geniusness btw.)
[ ] You have ran around naked in your house.

[ ] You re post bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[X] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[ ] You tilt your head when you’re confused. (Not that I do, but just how in the world is that supposed to make you dumb???)
[ ] You have fallen out of your chair before. (Before what? Please clarify.)

[ ] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall.
[ ] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.

19 "X" marks out of a total of 37!!!! What????? I'm only 51.35% dumb!!!!! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's NOT SO bad!! Is it??? Alright, may be it is, but at least knowing it makes me a lil less dumb, nahi? :) :D

I'm not tagging anyone specifically as hardly anyone obliges. Hmmpphhh. All those who want to test their level of dumbness/intelligence, consider yourself tagged. :)

Armed with her CV - the most potent weapon she possessed - she entered the room which promised her a world of opportunities. Looking into the eyes of the interviewer's eyes, she tackled all the questions brilliantly. And then it happened.

"So what did you gain from your summer internship?"

"A lot of weight."

Ooooooooooooooopssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MORAL: Think before you speak.

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Yeah I know this 55F kinda sucks, but I hadn't written anything for quite sometime. So when I finally did (in a bore to death seminar), I decided to put it up here. Sharmana mat, bindaas besti karna. :P :D
As for the title, well, actually this was a dream (nightmare) that I had. :D :D The Placement season in my college begins this monday, pray that I don't do any such goof-ups in any of my interviews. :)

I know, I know it’s been super duper long since my last post. But I have been really really really busy. And for once I mean it for real. :D

This internship has driven me crazy!! I knowwww!! I too thought I was already at the maximum level that anyone could go on the crazy scale!! :D

So anyway, if you thought that with time my goof-ups at work would have become lesser or at least of lesser intensity, Yup, you are WRONG. For the uninitiated, try this >> OFF THE RECORD, STRICTLY.

Alright, so let me tell you a bit about my work. It’s this really edge-of-the-seat kinda work you know, where one has to stare at the workstation, do number-crunching, read the stupid Income Tax Act - all while sitting on the seat!! Oh you wondering about the edge part? We are supposed to take a hard copy of all that we do, so yes, we constantly have to be on the edge of our seats to take those damn print-outs which eventually land up in the bin as my current erstwhile employers are too much of perfectionists. They’ll tell us to waste some more paper as “Oh!! But this thing should be in times new roman 12.5 and not 12 size!!” Ughhhh!!! “Let’s waste as much paper as we can!!” seems to be their motto!! I mean it’s so heart-wrenching you know. Especially for someone who writes less in the exams just so that she can save some paper. :D

So as you can guess the only exercise regimen I now have is that of walking to the printer. Now, me being the restless person that I’m, could not take it after 10 days. I just had to go out and release my pent-up energy. But where?

The queen of stupidity has an epiphany and marches off to the nearest washroom. Once there, she begins to jump up and down like a maniac. Had Jeetendra been there to witness the scene, I’m sure he’d have had inferiority complex. And just as I was about to put a stop to the torture I was causing to the floor, a lady comes out of one of the loos and stares at me with an expression that clearly said “Note to self: Stay away from this girl. She is a potential threat to mankind.” I of course dashed to the closest loo available.

After lying low for a few days after this incident, Neha (another intern) and I were once chatting nonchalantly in the office. Here’s what happened:
Neha: So how’s work?
Me: Usual ya. They really meant it when they said it’s going to be very demanding.
Neha: I know. Hey, have you seen that cute Transfer Pricing guy today?
Isha: Haan…wahin tto baitha hai. (points in his direction discretely) Kya yaar, there are NO cute guys in this office. No incentive to come every day. I hate this place.
The topic was then changed as is usual when two girls are chatting and soon we moved from guys to shopping to movies to what not.
Suddenly one of our senior managers passes us by. We happily say “Hi!” to him and he moves on. We resume chatting in the middle of the corridor leaning on one of the desks for support. Once again suddenly, he turns back and stops in front of us. And says “Itna mat socho, jis se baat karni hai bindaas karo.” And walks away.

And we realized that the desk we had been using as a support was no one else’s but his!! And we had conveniently failed to notice and had chatted there for at least 10 minutes. But still the two of us were lost on the comment he had made. It did not really make a lot of sense with what we were talking about at that time (movies).

So anyway, realizing that it was about time we both head to our respective seats, off we went in different directions. And it was while working on something that it hit me. I immediately dialled Neha’s extension and told her that I’d figured out what he was referring to. He was of course referring to our conversation about the “cute” guy!! He thought that we wanted to talk to him and were just a li'l too shy!!! The two of us, embarrassed as we were, could not help laughing our wits out.

Told you, I AM the queen of goof-ups.

So you think goof-ups are funny right?? WRONG!! :P (Get used to it – most of what you think is just that – wrong) :P

Allow me to apprise you of a very very sad goof-up. In my office (like in most offices), all social networking sites are banned and no, proxy sites are of no help either. So in my free time (alright alright!! – most of my time spent at office) I used to blissfully log in to apna dear blogspot and read your beautiful blogs and reply to your comments on mine. But alas! After 3-4 days of my prolonged stays on the blogspot, I realized it had been banned too!!! Apparently the IT department keeps an eye on what all one is doing while pretending to be super busy with work on the computer. Hmmpphhhh!! Now you know why I hate technology.

And now comes the last one. Pakka pakka!! Aur nahi pakaungi!!
Some news channel had come to our office for a shoot prior to the announcement of the Budget and all. And these guys decided to get the firm’s partner’s views in the bay rather than in his own room. I was as expected working my ass off (read checking my yahoo mail), when suddenly the girl who sits next to me comes from the printer and says “Isha, can we sit and keep working?” Without looking up from my computer screen, I said ”Of course ya!!” (I had started to get a bit irritated with all the fuss being made over the interview) and then thinking that I had been a bit rude looked up to smile at her and BAM!!

I see a huge camera placed right behind me directed halfway at my computer screen!! I swear, the speed with which the window was minimized would put the fastest keyboard player to shame. (that’s Adnan Sami btw right?)

My college is re-opening from the 13th and my internship does not seem to end. These guys want me to work till the 15th for them. I’m trying all that I can so that they kick me out. Wish me luck.

P.S. And I’m really really sorry for not being able to read a lot of posts lately. Please forgive me. With college due to re-open shortly, I shall be visiting your blogs soon hopefully. J

As you all (meaning those masochists who read my blog to get tortured no end) already know that I have taken my first step in the big bad corporate world (I just love making everything sound so melodramatic!) as an intern at a financial consultancy, so I thought it was time to report what I have been up to and how the company is still managing to stand, what with me in its premises! ;)

Well, those who are familiar with either me or this blog, know the kind of experiences I have had with the corporate world and for those who are not, chinta not!! Here’s all you need to know. :) "The Third Degree"

So, let’s start at the beginning. The first day. I arrive on time. (!) The waiting room soon swells up with loads of people, most of who seem to be interns too. But for the number of people in that room, there was very and I mean very little conversation. How was I to stand it!!?? Meri presence mein itna sannata!!??

So I took it upon my naazuk shoulders to bring some life into that dead room. And then began a round of introductions, some small talk and pleasant chit chat. In the course of this bonhomie, I decided to entertain all present with the anecdote of my interview at that particular company. I told them how surprised I was that I was actually selected for the training, as my interview had been anything but good. I barely knew any answers in the technical round - the most important of them all! And I described to them in detail how two people had taken my interview, one – a somewhat older, strict-looking guy and the other – a young and seemingly friendly kinda guy and how I answered all the questions I knew the answers to while looking at the older one and how I just flashed a dazzling smile at the younger one, each time I didn’t know an answer. ;) And I also told them how confidently I had given them a wrong answer. And how when they cross questioned me on it, I gave the same answer with the same confidence!

Na na, the story ain't over yet. Apparently there among the sea of interns, were also two three Assistant Managers, one of who was sitting right next to me and turned out to be in the same team as me!!

The moment I saw her being introduced in the office as the new AM of my department, all I could think was “There goes my PPO!” :( :(

And to think that that would be the end of me and her, was foolish of me. It turned out that her temporary seat was the one – yeah, you are on the right track- right next to me. :( :( :(

Now she had gone and collected all the stationery from the administration and kept it in her drawer. Now anyone who has been in an office knows the maara-maari there is for such petty things there. I being the blissfully ignorant new intern, think that all that stationery belonged to the person who had resigned and whose seat now lies vacant. So, what do I do? Rather than waiting to be issued an ID, access card, employee number, e-mail id and n number of other things before I get the allotted stationery, I pick the easier route. The route of course went through that particular drawer. And what happens next is very predictable; she asks me if I know where all the stationery went and I make the most innocent possible face ever (trust me, never have I been more grateful to the hours of practice put in those theatre classes) and say “No clue!” with a nonchalant shrug. And add “I took this one pencil though!” with a slightly flushed look on my face (Damn! I’m good!) :D

And the moment she moved from her seat, I promptly put all of it back and some extra stuff too, just in case! Later when she opened her drawer and realsied that it had all come back, she said “Look Isha, the stationery has come back on its own!”

And God bless the other intern for showing up at that precise moment and asking me to solve a problem he was having, for it helped me to completely ignore the AM’s comment. :D

The next day, she had been assigned a seat far away from me, thankfully!

And of course, how can I forget the introduction round? The moment my introduction began, there were sounds of crockery breaking in the cafeteria! : And it rained and hailed on my first day there. And I missed my cab and had to take a private cab back home.

All in all an eventful first day. :D

But if only the goof-ups ended there. :(

I ended up bad mouthing a very eminent college of the city, saying that only those who can cram facts and figures and are nothing more than mugging parrots end up in that college, to a team member, who it turned out was a pass-out of that college! I love you God, and I’m sure you love me too. It just shows You know. :P

Another one took place just two days back. A guy, somewhere in his late twenties, started talking to me out of the blue, while I was trying to figure out where to find my cab. This guy, at an earlier occasion too had tried to make conversation with me at the printer. For the uninitiated, the printer is akin to what the water cooler used to be in school. The place where people catch up with each other. So anyway, I listened to him, ohho, alright!, pretended to listen to him for some 2-3 minutes before getting irritated and saying “Listen ya, I really need to find my cab or else I’ll miss it” in a well, let’s just say, not-a-very-friendly tone!

On another occasion, while in the cab, one of my team members tells me about the other AM of our department and I’m totally clueless as to who she is talking about. The next day I look where she told me he sits, and lo and behold! The irritating chape guy was sitting on that chair!! Booo hoooo…..I wanted to cry!!

Why me??? WHY???

What now? Isn’t all this enough?? The post ends here. :P Gosh! What do you think of me haan??

P.S. Would love to know if any of you have had similar devastating experiences!
Well I’m sure this post gave you some re-assurance, time to return the favour now!! :P

P.P.S. As you might have noticed, it’s not so easy to master goof-ups such these, and hence I won’t be able to blog all that much. But dare any of you forget me or my blog!

P.P.P.S. Enjoy the lighter side of “C’est La Vie” while it lasts. Will be back to the grim posts soon. :D (Main grim bhi itni happily hoti hoon…he he…hmmm…I AM weird!! *shudders*)

It started as a usual day for the five of them, and like always, none of them wanted to attend the class. Amit was feeling giddy at the thought of attending the HR class; Ira nauseous, while two more, Siddharth and Parul were having sympathy symptoms of a similar type. Only the last one was somewhat keen to attend it. “My attendance, and the fact that the assignment is to be submitted… none of you care about that I guess!” said Minisha to the group.

“Well, isn’t that a bit obvious that we honestly don’t care?” quipped Ira.

“Now that almost all of us have agreed on the fact that the classes are a waste of time, and we shouldn’t attend them,” said Amit, and three pairs of eyes, and one pair of glasses glared at Minisha, daring her to contradict. “It’s time to decide where to go,” continued Amit.

“We can decide that on the way. Right now, let’s just get in the car, out on the road, and burn some rubber!” screamed Ira; living up to the reputation of her usual overexcited self. The catcalls and in-group jeers led them to the parking lot, and they clambered into the car as fast as they could. Travelling at speeds to rival a rally sedan, the dilapidated tiny Alto sped along the highway, and all too soon they reached one of the many malls dotted around the NCR. Amit looked over at the stereotypical structure of the shopper’s haven, looked in the rear view mirror, and said “Ladies, no shopping please!”

Hooting with laughter, they entered the mall and headed straight for the food court. After placing the order for her favourite Paneer Pizza, Minisha made a beeline for the nearest accessories shop. “Hey! Wait Up. I wanna check out some tattoos that I can get done,” Siddharth exclaimed and followed her. The two of them got lost in the crowds, while the others placed their orders. Eating through the feast in front of them, they almost forgot the college, their studies, even the two friends who weren’t present at that time.

“You ate the Pizza too?” asked a shocked Minisha when she returned, while her poor unfed tummy growled in protest, and the others rolled around laughing.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you a compensatory pizza,” said Parul. “Ice-cream, anyone?”

“Choco Chip for me,” said Ira

“Weren’t you on a diet?” asked Amit without looking at her, and promptly got a smack on his head for his quick wit.

Four ice creams and one pizza box accompanied them, as the incredible trip continued. The near perfect weather outside, topped up with a gentle breeze and a light drizzle jogged all brains to a common idea – long drive to India Gate. About one third down the way though, the five fickle minds changed track – one by one.

“Don’t you think India Gate’s a bit too far?” asked Parul in a small voice.

“Yeah, even I think so. I have to be back home a little early myself,” voiced Ira. “Plus, we keep going there almost every other week.”

“I’m tired!” yawned Siddharth.

“Are we going home already?” asked a bewildered Amit.

“Hmm, I guess. Anyway, what are you complaining about? You’ll still get your long drive. You have to drop off all of us remember, Mr. Driver?” teased Parul

“It’s getting dark already. I know a short cut from here to Ashram. We’ll reach in no time,” claimed Amit confidently.

At the next red light, just to be sure, Siddharth asked the person sitting in the car next to theirs if the road indeed led to Ashram. The man, probably in his late twenties, nodded his head in answer.

“See, I told you,” said Amit, and sped down the road.

“Always better to be sure, my man,” said Siddharth, while the small car bumped and jumped along what was clearly a Kuccha Road

“Guys, are you sure we’re going the right way?” asked Minisha, her eyes wide with a glimpse of terror reflected in them.

“Aah, you worry too much,” said Siddharth, turning and smiling at her.

At that precise moment, the car hit a small ditch that caused a round of small shrieks from the girls. Ira, who wasn’t really paying attention, was the most surprised to find themselves in the middle of a long dusty road that stretched forever ahead, and dark, looming banana trees, swaying eerily in the chilly, dark wind. Not a soul to be seen on either side, not a sound to be heard, except the soft whoosh of the wind blowing. The headlights flickered and died with a tiny ping, and a small “Oh Shit!” issued from Ira’s mouth.

The only light there now, was emanating from the five swanky cellphones.

“I think we should get down and look for someone, who can guide us out of this place,” Siddharth said, while proceeding to open the door.

“Are you crazy? You’ll get down here? God knows who or what might be out here!” Minisha said, holding his arm with all her strength. Everyone reflected on this for a few seconds, and it was only then that she realized she was still clutching his arm. Embarassed, she let go of it and settled back.

“But we can’t stay here forever guys!” said a visibily irritated Ira.

Once again, a round of silence followed. By now everyone’s cell phone lights had gone off, and none of them bothered to switch them on again.

In the pitch black silence, they heard another shriek and a thud.

Minisha had fainted.

~~~~~