C'est La Vie....

The town enveloped in a sheet of serene white...the clouds so dense that they have hidden the mighty Himalayas behind them....snow falling continuously like tufts of cotton on the already white ground....couples walking around, cuddled under colorful umbrellas....my first snow fall :)....like someone said that its something that one never forgets :)

As I browse through some pictures on the Internet, thoughts whirr in and out of my mind. The mountains in the pics, the brown-earthed valley dotted with green; coupled with the lazy afternoon sun peeping in, yet playing peek-a-boo with my chocolate coloured curtains, do more than just calm my not-so-calm mind. The kaleidoscope of rich tones only sets alight a blaze of yet more thoughts.

Dreams are not ones to recede quietly into the background; they emerge and re-emerge every time the mand goes off on a short adventure. They are like those little peaks that exist but you never knew they existed till you climbed one and saw eternity almost vanishing into itself.

Sometimes I wish I were not sitting here saddled by technology and I wish it was just the guzzling waters of a river tucked far away in some fruit orchard that trickled life into me, like the dream that whir past on lazy afternoons. Sometimes I wish it was just the cacophony of grasshoppers and frogs singing soulfully to the first rains on a heavy night. And as they soak in it, that would be music to my ears. Sometimes I wish it was the tinkle in the laughter of the children that signified the time of the day as I sat in a corner brewing coffee and listening to the womenfolk share their tales. Sometimes, I wish I could walk through my dreamscapes and hold the slow flowing bubbles of reality in my hand as they bobbed up and down, collided with each other, and tottered around like a bunch of fairies on their first outing.

Sometimes I wish I owned a palatial, ancestral home tucked far inside the greens of the Kerala countryside. I would sit on a wicker chair in the verandah, overlooking the trees and the river flowing through the orchard, sipping hot tea. Mornings would be just a haze of sights, smells, and sounds....the freshly-watered rusty earth, the jasmine being strung together by toothy old women sitting in the courtyard laughing and sharing stories about the antics of their grandchildren, the steaming idlis permeating the air with a warmth that can be both felt and tasted. And as the afternoon sun would peep into the warm, mahogany-laden dining room I would traverse miles and miles, all the while lying cosily under pristine, white sheets, letting the coconut trees sweep coolness into my room, and finally awaking with a song on my lips. As the day would draw to a close, I would find comfort in the honey dripping off the branches of the immodestly green mango trees laden with plump yellow fruits. I would count the bursting jackfruits, sucking mindlessly on tamarind strewn around carelessly by the wind. And when the inky blue skies would descend, I would return to a night of sloth and Jim Reevs singing in sync with the croaking frogs and the barking wild dogs.

Sometimes I wish it was a tiny, cozy cottage tucked far away in an obscure hill-station that I could call home. I would own a little shop next door selling knick-knacks, home-made chocolate, and bread. The red door of the shop with its bronze bell and chimes sould sing a mellow song every time someone would walk in through it. Children would be running through this door to buy candy and big yellow lollipops that I had made and kept in big, glass jars on a high shelf behind the counter. Women would walk in, eyeing this city-girl humming Norah Jones. I would welcome them with a warm cup of coffee every time they walked in bringing with them a cold gust of wind to this little shop warmed by a baked brick firepace. I would listen to their woes and the occasional snippets they would allow me with soem trepidation while serving them freshly soft bread everyday. Their husbands would eye me with suspicion yet wonder what a girl like me was doing in a town like this. My golden comma of a cat would purr with sloth every time I would cuddle it in my arms. And after the children would have had their day's share of peppermint flavored candy and the women would have bought the spices lying in sacks at a corner in the shop, I would pull down the blinds and make my way to the sweet, incense-filled cottage of mine for a night of knitting and some reading. And when the local doctor would come knocking at the door to ask me out for a cup of coffee, I would bat my eyelids and say, "I brew my own."

And when reality tiptoes to the doors of my mind and knocks surreptitiously, I pull the door wide open, embrace it with warmth and quote Pico Iyer - "The best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end."

There's a man in my life, much older than me....and married! But this didn't stand in the way of his love for me. I have been the most important person in his life or so I have loved to think. He always has time for me, not once in all the years did he ever say he was too busy for me. He was always there for me and me ready to drink in his words, his stories, and his dreams - which were mostly his dreams of what he wished for me.

Now, as I look back, I don't know how I first became aware of him. But I certainly know how the relationship started - he told me about it several times. It was one of those love-at-first sight stuff, though I doubt that I really noticed him the first time. But later, I did notice him: I had to, as events outside our control threw us together in such a way that there was no way I could have ignored him. Not that I wanted to.

He loomed large in my life, and everything and everyone else, faded in the background. I may not recall how it really started but I do remember the many hours we spent together on many a moonlit night.

My entire life - with its twists and turns, its joys and frustrations, warts and all - daily reminds me of him. He spent most of the time we knew each other introducing me to the world which he said one day would be mine. And today, I am what I am because one man loved me, believed in me, and gave me a dream to pursue and to tell you guys, even his wife and I are on good terms, but that's a different story.

I owe my life to this one man who truly and deeply loved me. In a way, he gave life to me and sustained it with utmost care. He also gave me words that I lived by these past years and am using today amidst all of you.

My life is still a work-in-progress and I hope that I'm able to live up to this man's dreams and prayers for my life. I would just end up now I think, by saying - THANK YOU DAD, for everything! :)

HER:

Booze and conversation flowed effortlessly between the two of us. Alcohol has some good side effects! ;) Aditya actually turned out to be a lotta fun and amazingly witty too. During the course of our conversation he let slip that he might be leaving the firm soon. When he got up to receive a call for the fifth time in about an hour, I quizzed him if it was his girlfriend. He shook his head to indicate that I was wrong and told me he’s never had a girlfriend. “And I don’t think anyone will ever like me,” he added. He just gave a sarcastic kinda smile on my asking him what made him feel so. And in an instant of extreme stupidity, which I justified by thinking that what the heck, he’ll be leaving soon anyway; I told him!

I told him that I had had a CRUSH on him!! I told my EX-BOSS that I had a crush on him!!



HIM:

“Please let this NOT be a dream! Please let this NOT be a dream!”, I kept repeating in my head. Mansi confessed that she had a CRUSH on me!! MY crush had a crush on ME!! I was doing a mental Joey dance!!!!

And that was it! I went ahead and told her how I have had a crush on her since the moment I first saw her in the office. How every time she smiled I lost focus of whatever it was that I was doing. How I had been yearning to be at least friends with her since forever now. Just letting all of it out made me feel so light!

The alcohol had worn off by now. An awkward silence later, I ventured, “Let’s get outta here.”

“I’d like that.”



HER:

I could not believe what had just transpired….ADITYA had a crush on ME!!!! I mean what the hell!!! How lame could he be!! He does not give ONE teeny weeny hint all this time and today he decides to let his feelings overflow????!!!! Guys I tell you!!! Anyway, we headed out for a drive, since the atmosphere had suddenly become too much to take. Once in the car, silence made an entry again. Looking out the car’s window from the DND flyway, Delhi looked its beautiful best, all dressed up in shiny lights. I asked the question that had been bothering me for the past half hour. “Why didn’t you say anything all this while, Aditya?” And he gave me his incredulous smile saying, “Are you kidding me!? You with all your confidence and popularity had me intimidated to death!” “You are mad Aditya. Really!”, I laughed it off. I was switching on the stereo for some music when our hands brushed against each other, and lingered. We gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment before I withdrew it and wondered out aloud “This is going to be weird….”
“Let’s talk this over ice-cream?”, he suggested, focusing on the road once again.



HIM:

We drove to India Gate in the middle of the night for an ice-cream. I got her a chocolate chip knowing that it was her favorite. She always took that flavor on all team outings. The quiet of the night helped us in clearing our heads. I asked her if she was ready for this - a relationship in the office. She seemed wary about it, considering that I was her boss. I assured her that I wouldn’t remain that for long and that made her worry even more. After a long discussion, the two of us decided that we’ll give this a shot and see how things go.

She suddenly realized that I had not got ice-cream for myself and asked if I’d like to have some of hers. And without waiting for my answer, she thrust the cone in my face!!! I ran after her to do a repeat performance with whatever little of what was left of it and managed to catch her in under 30 seconds. Grabbing her arms, I was ready to give the final blow, when a local policeman appeared out of nowhere reprimanding us of creating unnecessary “hullah” and telling us to leave right away. Laughing, we got back in the car and I dropped her off to her place.

On my way back, with the sound of her cackling laughter still ringing in my ears, I realized I had just lived the happiest moments of my life till now.



- * - * - * - * - *Epilogue* - * - * - * - *


Six months later


HER:

Lunch break finally! You’d think that a year down in the office, things would get easier but FAR from it. The work pressure just keeps increasing!!! Gah!!!! And if that wasn’t enough, Adi is there to constantly remind me of his presence through whatever means he can, phone calls; texts; emails and the likes! I think I was too harsh on him in the last mail…poor guy didn’t deserve it. I should make it up to him. Did I tell you what a sweet heart he is? ;)



HIM:

At times college is really interesting and challenging, but it is at these times when I feel if IIM was really worth it. Maanu also seems pissed off…not replying to messages properly. :(

This teacher is going on and on about behavioral ethics in an organization. Wait! Did she just say ‘refrain from getting involved in personal relationships at office’…oh! She messaged! :) Here’s what she wrote:

“Hey sweets!! I’m sooo sawie for that last mail. Lottsa work pressure. :( Have just broken for lunch. Graduate soon and open your own company na. I’ll work for you. FREE! Or you can pay me in kind if you like. ;) Gimme a call when you are over with the class, I’ll catch up. :) Love”

Well, what does this teacher know; for me, ‘Love Work(ed)’. :D




Author's note: Constructive criticism will be much appreciated.

Click here to read the first two parts of Adiya's and Mansi's twisted professional love lives - Love Work(s) and Love Work(s) - II.


HER
It’s amazing how spending just a couple of months at a new place can change so many things – you, people around you, your equations with them, your views, and perceptions. I’m finally settled in my office and have more than got a hang of my work. My managers love me and so do my friends there. Life as I know it, has never been better. Yes, I keep terribly busy, but then that’s the way I prefer it to be. But I promise to be more regular in writing this journal. Some things you just have to find the time for. :)

P.S. Read the last entry and was ROFLING! Aditya!! Gosh! He’s a typical IITian…work, work, and work is all that interests him. He wasn’t that bad a boss though. Yeah, I don’t work under him anymore. And thank God for that! Helped a zillion in getting over him. ;)


HIM
Life – God’s most beautiful gift? I beg to differ please!! Work has been driving me crazy off late. And whatever little time that is left is spent preparing for the CAT. I have to nail it this time, else my only option will be GMAT. Not a very feasible option, considering the financial constraints. Moreover, India is where heart is. Though matters of the heart are something in which I have been unlucky consistently. Mansi was de-staffed from my project a couple of months back. The only words that we exchange now are hey/hi in the corridors. Yet that smile never fails to make me skip a heart-beat. Apparently, she is not as shy as I had presumed her to be. She seems to be very popular around everyone. Adds to my woes all the more. Clearly she didn’t find me good enough to even have a decent conversation with. I just want to get out of all of this asap. :\


HER
Aditya really is weird. I greet him with an enthusiastic ‘hi!’ and all he does is give a weird stare. Don’t know what’s that all about! Anyway, guess what!!?? I have my first office party the next week!!! I’m sooo excited !!! I have only heard/read about office parties thus far! Can’t wait to actually be a part of one of them!!! Yippeeee!!!! Gosh!! So much to do, so much to figure out…..!!!!


HIM
Office party next week. Could very well be my last party here. Kinda undecided on whether I’ll go or not. Should be devouring my books right now. Though I could definitely do with a break! Let’s see…..


HER
Strange, strange, STRANGE night. It was all going well. I was having a ball with my friends. Talking, dancing, being crazy, and what not. And suddenly, out of nowhere Aditya joins us to dance. Not too good a dancer, he was kinda fun to dance with. Super tired, I took a break to catch my breath. Two minutes later, he joined me. “You dance really well”, he said. “Thanks! Wish I could say the same about you”, said I, before I could realize it was my senior at office I was talking to.

Yes, this was how it all started…..


HIM
“Drink?”
“Sure. Vodka with orange juice.”

I couldn’t believe my luck that the two of us were actually talking to each other as regular people! And not as some have-to-bear-each-other kind of colleagues!! :)

Little was I to know of what was coming……

We live in such a mechanical world nowadays that sometimes it becomes necessary to just stop, take a break, and appreciate the smaller things in life....

Today morning (meaning the morning of the day when I wrote this post in my cell drafts), I was all ready for another gruelling day at office, waiting for my cab (which had been delayed due to the city's pitiable traffic situation) and I happened to come across various genres of movies playing on different channels...and I was amazed to realize the human mind's capacity to feels so many emotions that soemtimes even words cannot convey the EXACT feeling that we may be experiencing....

Think of it...you can be MADDENINGLY happy....like when you crack the college of your dreams! Or get your dream job...or you can be just plain normal happy that you have had a good day at school/college/work

You can be devastated if God forbid, a close one is no more...sad that you didn't get that promotion you had been hoping for

Furious that a trusted one lied to you....angry over a stupid fight with a friend

Irritated with the guy behind you in the traffic jam who's constantly honking...pissed when someone is overtly obstinate

Scared to death when your dad catches you doing something you shouldn't be doing

Proud when you see your work being appreciated

Disgusted when someone spits on the road

Curious when you know a friend has some juicy gossip for you

Excited when you are taking your first trip with friends

Lonesome when you are missing someone badly

Compassionate when you see someone dealing with the hardships of life bravely

Thankful when you realise that you are lucky to have the life that you do

Jealous when someone beats you at what you thought you were the best

Nervous before giving your first interview

Relaxed after it goes surprisinglt well

Embarrassed after you have just managed to drop a mannequin in a huge departmental store

Ashamed when you realise you have hurt someone

Regret when you realise what you did was not only stupid but wrong

Tired with dealing with life and its unending problems

Amazed at how a two year old can be addicted to smoking

Surprised on how much you can write on a nonsense topic :D :D

I saw Aisha. Finally. And it made me think. Yeah, a movie as inane as Aisha made me think. Now if you are over it, let's discuss the subject matter of my thoughts.

So this movie, like all stooopid chick-lit movies basically tries to tells you how incomplete, how lonesome, and how sad a woman is without the presence of a guy in her life.

True, with single hood come many insecurities, fears, and a fair amount of longingness on seeing happy couples around you...but that's all there is to it really.

With single hood, comes a lot of time for yourself, your interests, and your near and dear ones. I think it's the best times for girls who perennially find themselves in one relationship or the other to rediscover themselves.

Why is it that it is thought that a woman NEEDS a man in her life? Why can't a guy just be another character in the play that's her life? Someone, who if there, makes life a tad more fun but someone, if not there, will just be a happ/crappy (as applicable) memory.

Single women don't wake upe very morning wishing they had some guy to share their life with. Maybe women with no friends whatsoever do. But not the modern woman I know. Today's woman is capable of living her life alone. And mind youshe can not just live it but live it UP. Hell, we women don't even need you men to make babies now. Ha!

Here's to all the women I know. Single or not. Cheers! :)

P.S. Written on my cell on my way back from home, all the time stuck in heavy traffic. Feelings: to get out of the cab and get drenched in the rain dancing to the music playing on my cell. ALONE.

So I'm 23 now. As a teenager, I had always imagined myself to be this suave and sophisticated working lady who is quickly climbing the corporate ladder when I reach this age. The only true part of that sentence now is that I'm working. The rest is all missing. :D

Not that I'm complaining, really. Come on, how many of you really think that being mature and sophisticated is better than being immature and refusing to grow up?? Not me!!

6th Aug 2010 - the day when I turned 23 - started on a beautiful note with a small cake-cutting ceremony with my parents and bro. And of course the numerous phone calls from friends and family. Some expected, some unexpected, and some expected and not received. ;)

And then came the turn of my first b'day gift - from my kid bro - Raj Walia. Take a look.
http://www.facebook.com/notes/raj-walia/arial/473577617518
Thanks a tonne Kid bro!!!! You are the sweetest and the bestest. And an instant mood-uplifter. Glad to know you. :) :)

It was a friday, and hence the plans for the day were nothing huge. In the morning, my mom told me to get up early as it was my birthday and I was like err, how are the two even related! But not wanting to get into an argument early in the morning on my bday, I obliged. Then she tells me to clean my room as it was my bday and I go "Whoa!! This is getting weird." And then, to my utter surprise my school buddies - Mansi, Tata, and Rishi enter my room with a cake and flowers. In the morning at 8!!! On a weekday!!!! They have never done this, EVER!! It was a lovely surprise and I love you guys for this. You guys really did make my day. :)

Cut to office. The two maddest people I have come across - Rishi Kinra and Rishi Thakur - take out a rose each from their bags, bend down on their knees, and start singing a self-composed song dedicated to me. All this, RIGHT in the middle of the office!!! (I'm just so glad that I don't sit in the main office/barista zone anymore, where the numbe rof people is much higher). Oh yeah, the lyrics of the song >> "Chawla Chawla (to be sung in rap style), main ho gaya bawla bawla...." And I thought I'm the only one who sucks at poetry. :D :D
This was followed by receiving an actual bouquet of flowers for them and from my super cool friend at office - Vidushi. The third cake for the day was cut at lunch time with "Chawla Chawla" written on it.

Thanks a tonne guys. My day at office was a whole lotta fun all thanks to you. And yes Vids, you managed to get me excited for my own bday!! Yippee!!! Love you for that. :) :)

Cut to home. Again, no huge plans for the night as I had a french exam the next morning at 7.30. I had specifically told everyone that I won't be partying on 6th night. So I'm at home, facebooking a bit before I start studying. And the bell rings!! And it's my bachpan ki friend Hina - whom I haven't talked to in what seems like ages!!!!! And you know how it is when two old friends sit and talk right, the time flies. And that's just what happened. Before I knew it was 11.30 and we realized that it was late and she ought to be leaving. Thanks a tonne Hina for making the effort to come and visit. You added to making my special day a lot more special. :)

And the post cannot end without mentioning about the "sweet" post by awesome, once-in-a-lifetime buddy Karan. Thank you sooooooooooo much for the lovely gesture. :) :) :)

The day ended with me still on the phone receiving bday wishes. The festivities continued the next day too with me celebrating and cutting a fourth bday cake at French class. And ofc how can I forget the wonderful evening with Nilanjana. We girls should meet up more often Nil. And yeah, next time you'll do the talking in Punjabi. :P

Wow!!! I have so much to be thankful for!!! This is a nice feeling. Like really.

P.S. Aced the french exam with 94 marks. Topped. :)

>> Get a check on my temper. Needed urgently.
>> Get a screen guard for my cell.
>> Call up Annie, Sonali, Kartz, Arnab, and Raj or get killed by them all.
>> Study French for the exam on 7th.
>> Study some more French for the exam on 16th.
>> Learn to drive. Properly. Completely.
>> Teach bro french.
>> Write a concluding part for Love Works (earlier fiction post)
>> Finish reading 100 Years of Solitude so that I cab start reading A Thousand Splendid Suns
>> Learn to stay quiet. Sometimes. Lots of times, actually.
>> Take up Baldie's tags
>> Figure out why can't I see pics on my blog (anyone?)
>> Watch Aisha.
>> Download songs and images on my cell.
>> Stop posting completely inane things :D :D

As I dream my way through
The white sands of happiness,
The shinig star of friendship,
The nectar of true love,
The filling of my inner vacuum,
The puzzle of myriad choices,
The sweet sense of security,
The discovery of goodness,
The joy of solitude,
The robustness of eccentricites,
The absurdities of manner,

I never want to wake up,
For reality is a myth,
And I'm living (loving?) my dream

It seems ages since I last wrote any poetry or fiction....not too great..but for some strange reason, I am inspired (as well as a little demotivated! strange I know) today, so thought of posting this....

Everything is just SO weird right now...right from the song playing on TV to the thoughts in my head.

Two of my super cool friends at office left this week. :( :( And this is after two people I had befriended earlier, left too. Miss u sooo much Nilanjana!! :(
Now tto I'm just scared to make friends anymore!!

Arre finally a nice song on TV!! UFF teri ada from the movie Karthik Calling Karthik (such a waste of Farhan)...I just LOVE the song!!! But I still haven't danced to this song paagal-ly you know, like totally mad ho kar (outside home ofc).

Anyway, office is becoming gloomier by the day. Not just due to lack of (good) friends but also because of something else. I'm not too sure what it is, but it's just not the same anymore...

I Hate Luv Storeys ka gaana playing now....I still want to see this movie, despite the pathetic reviews. Wanna see Aisha too, looks promising.

I miss doing theatre. I so wish I could take it up for good, but what with the weird office hours (weird - I like this word and the way it sounds :)) and french classes on the weekend...there's hardly any time left for socialising with friends or family...

Hell!! I don't get time to post on my blog or read others' posts for that matter...tto theatre tto *sigh*

Shit yaa...kitna crib maarti hoon main...grrr....i was never like this...chalo kuch ache pe end karte hain....

*thinking*

*thinking*

*bulb jala!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Mujhe finally kaajal lagana aa gaya!!!! Yippee!!! :) :) *proud of myself and thankful to my b'ful cousins)

CONS:

1. No enjoying late night TV / movies on laptop
2. No sleeping for hours on end
3. No taking advantage of the sexy weather for a walk down a sexy road or a drive.
4. No talking loud / laughing hysterically / jumping aiwehi while walking
5. No daydreaming in front of the work station like we used to in front of the books (we are accountable for every hour after all :|)
6. No swearing...umm loud swearing at least ;)
7. No head-banging / singing aloud while listening to songs (Gosh! this is a hard one!)
8. No energy to talk to friends at night
9. No cool funky clothes to wear to office
10. No shouting
11. No access to the football / cricket matches
12. No walking naked feet in and out of the office
13. No frequent blogging
14. No being MYSELF!!

PROS:

Yeah right!! I can't think of any except that how you begin to appreciate the seemingly smaller joys of life. :|

Feel free to add to the list....

Tagged by "The STILL Bald Guy" (:P), here's a lowdown on the 9 top most things worn by Goofy alias me.


1. The 1200 watt issmile



2. My beaded necklace (which is around my neck all the freaking time!!)




3. My eyes a.k.a contact lenses



3. Mera fresh wala deo...dunno what I'd do without it



4. Bombay bangles.....Every time I wear these...I'm reminded of my AWESOME mumbai trip. :) :)



5. My daily office footwear...gosh! how I miss my floaters. :(



6. My school uniform!! (okay....I'm running outta things now!)



7. Mere vadde waale shades. :D





Aur ni hai!!! :( Only 7 things hain. Too bored to click more pics anyway. Take up as per your wish. :)

Dusk - that time of the day when light surrenders to the darkness around. When it's neither day nor night, quite like the much-talked about "grey".

The time when a husband, after a day's hard work, drives back home with the hopes of seeing his wife soon and enveloping her in his embrace.

The time when a wife frees herself from the household chores to get ready for her husband and lays out the dinner for him in anticipation of a great evening.

This is the time when I travel in my cab, (on some few lucky days) reminiscing about the day's events. Some bitter moments, some sweet, and some insanely irritating.

This is the time when random songs playing on the stereo make you go through a gamut of emotions.

Some make you smile despite yourself...and the cab driver looks up i the rear-view mirror wondering what's wrong with you.

Some make you lean your head against the car window and stare outside at the thousands of twinkling headlights. You see the traffic around you, but what you are looking at are random scenes from your life playing in front of your eyes.

And those of us who are lucky enough to have found their someone special inadvertently imagine their rosy future with them.

This is the time when you observe people around you - a group of young girls in an auto, all dressed up for a party; office people stuffed in a cab, glad to be on their way back home; the guy in the swanky car at the red light eyeing the light-eyed beauty in the bus and what not.

This is the time when I sit in my cab and switch off my cell to write this inane post.

Audrey's dead.
Don't try to wake her up.
She's still crying
The songs of tomorrow,
Which when she was alive
She used to sing out aloud,
But now she sings in silence.
I want to live,
She cried in my ears,
The echo still fills my mind.
I want to love,
She pleaded through her eyes,
I can still see them burning.
But my heart's burning too.
She used to be my light,
I used to be her shadow.
We used to walk together,
In the valleys of pain and tears.
She could not take it any longer.
Me neither.
Audreys' dead.
I am dead.